Red Mage, Looking For Group
by Nemesis13
Summary: The Girl-Who-Lived grew up in a stable household despite Dumbledore's manipulations, as Iris Dursley she lives a perfectly normal life until she and Dudley get a new game system for Christmas. Inspired by their characters the pair soon discover Iris's magic powers, which Dudley quickly declares makes her a Red Mage and he the Paladin that protects her. Now to finish the party...
1. You're a Mage, Iris!

**So this little plot bunny came out of left field but I thought it had some merit. See I'm one of those who feels that any childhood adventure story written in Britain seems to HAVE to involve a neglected child with horrific guardians. Lemony Snicket, Oliver Twist, Harry Potter, they all follow the same trope. The thing about Harry Potter though is the simple fact that child protection services would have had the Dursleys stripped of both Harry and Dudley faster then you could blink.**

 **So my thought was this, what if the Dursleys were only acting like horrible undeveloped carictures because they were manipulated into being so by Dumbledore, so Harry would be a submissive little thing that would latch onto those who saved him from his horrible situation like a limpet?**

 **Not new no, but my take on it is this, what if the very protections Dumbledore placed on Harry and his family to protect them from the machinations of wizards that meant them harm sensed his intent? What if the very magic that he intended to use against Voldemort, protected the Dursleys from him? So that's where I'm going with this, oh and since apparently it's my thing now (I have a thing, who knew?) this'll be Fem!Harry but I have no pairings in mind so as the story progresses lemme know what you think.**

 **Oh right, if you're at all curious why this iteration is named Iris rather than Lillith well...Lilly Potter is err... a twisted, adorable, pretty little psycho to put it bluntly. Iris grew up normal, more Gryffindor'ish but not as brazenly so as Harry but enough that when egged on by Dudley she starts developing her magic at an early age.**

 **Oh and before anyone bitches about it (I know there is going to be at least one complaint from someone who didn't read this A/N) I am quite aware Final Fantasy came out in Japan in 1987 and didn't get another release until 1990, just go with it. As for the NES itself, believe it or not it was a bit difficult to find a straight answer on the UK release, regardless it's fanfiction after all...I so know someone is going to whinge about this...**

 _ **November 2, 1981**_

It was early morning on an early November day, the sun had not quite risen on the horizon and it wasn't quite time for the milkman or paperboy to make their rounds. It was, being England and all, a wet and rather cold morning which caused a slight form to shiver uncontrollably. A small child, one Iris Dorea Potter lay wrapped in a far too thin blanket nestled in a basket upon the front stoop of 4 Privet Drive, carelessly left there by a manipulative old man who had a tendency to have more faith in his plans then he probably should.

She didn't know any of this though, her still developing mind was barely able to process what she could, luckily for her she'd grow up to be a highly intelligent little girl so she was able to put some pieces together. Mommy was gone, daddy was gone, a bad man aimed a bad green light at her, and then she remembered a giant man carrying her around while hearing Padfoot screaming.

She had never been this cold before, she felt around for the warm fuzzy energy that was always present around her yet found none other then what was coming from a letter laying atop her. Instinctively she reached out to it for comfort and being that she was a child ignored the danger it represented in the hopes of feeling safe. Thus she was shocked into crying when her magic brushed against the cursed letter and the spells upon it tried to latch to her.

Spells designed to warp the minds of muggles assailed her drained magic, spells meant to cause apathy, disdain, and violence solely towards her leached from the handwritten note and tried to take hold. A moment later they stopped fast against a glowing barrier that felt like mommy, then it faded and the letter was just that, a simple letter. Realizing that the bad magic was gone she cried again, none the wiser that she'd completely derailed the manipulations of a corrupt old man who was currently enjoying a lemon drop in a castle in Scotland.

Vernon Dursley found himself roused from his sleep by a child crying, cursing lightly he sat up and being the dutiful father he was begrudgingly got out of his warm bed next to his warm wife.

In all honesty if his friends and coworkers had let him in on how little sleep he would get as the father of a young child he would have better prepared for it. As it stood he was fairly certain this was some elaborate act of revenge for making them work weekends to meet their deadlines.

Yawning the large man moved as quietly as he could in hopes of not waking Petunia, she got little enough rest herself so why share the burden with her, moving down the hall he cracked the door to Dudley's room and felt an eyebrow raise as his mustache twitched.

Dudley was asleep, then why did he hear a child crying? Sighing as he ran a hand over tired eyes he closed the door and went to go back to bed when he heard it again. While it was satisfying that he now had validation that he _wasn't_ going barmy that didn't quite answer why he was hearing a child crying downstairs.

Plodding down the stairs and wincing as one of the steps creaked rather loudly Vernon stopped and listened again. Nothing. Sighing he stroked his mustache a few times in frustration when he heard the cry again, outside his front door of all places. Confused he undid the deadbolt and swung the door open and found himself staring down at a small shivering form, her near blue lips pulled into a grimace as a cascade of ruby red hair framed her face.

"Iris?!" he gasped out in shock, scooping the basket up he slammed the door shut inadvertently waking his wife in the process. Pulling the freezing girl from the basket she'd been resting in Vernon held her close causing her to coo happily, hearing a step creak he turned to meet his wife's confused gaze before she saw the child and gasped.

"Vern, what's going on? Is that Iris? What, I-" she cut off as she saw the letter that had fallen to the ground, snatching it up she began reading it and paled visibly as her right hand rested upon her heart. Breathing heavily she leaned against the wall and slid down it till she hit the floor.

Concern only equaled by his confusion Vernon followed her lead and landed next to her, cocking a brow the big man finally spoke, "Pet, what did the letter say?" Stifling a cry Petunia wrapped her arms around his thick neck and began sobbing which set the small bundle in his arms wailing. He was surrounded by emotional females...lovely...

Eventually Petunia got a hold of herself, wiping her nose on the cuff of her pink robe she finally spoke, "Jamie and Lils are dead...that...that Dark Lord found them...the only one who made it was Iris."

Well. Shit.

Vernon didn't necessarily dislike his brother in law, in fact the man could be downright charming, he was just...clueless, when it came to the real world. His best mates Sirius and Remus weren't as bad by a longshot, the latter due to having a muggle-born father and the former having an undying desire to annoy his parents. Still, he never wished death upon the man, Lily though?

This was bad, she and Petunia had a massive falling out a few years before he'd met his future wife and it was only after the births of both their children that the sisters reconciled, their bond stronger then ever after finally coming to terms with each other. Petunia finally had her little sister back, the last of her family, and she was gone.

As the little girl in his arms made gurgling noise and tried to escape his grasp Vernon turned to his wife and sighed, "What about Iris?"

Petunia waved at the discarded letter before her as she replied, "This...Dumbledore...isn't...isn't that an old word for bumble bee? Anyway this Dumbledore fellow says we are to take care of her until she is to go to Hogwarts...Just like Lily..." Vernon paused at that, he really didn't mind taking care of his niece, she and Dudley had always gotten along fine and it wouldn't be much of a burden. But...

"Pet...I...does she really have to go to that school?"

Turning red rimmed eyes to her husband Petunia cocked her head to the side in confusion, "What do you mean by that? Of course she has to go, all witches have to go to Hogwarts...I know..." She sighed dejectedly at that but Vernon pressed on, this was important.

"I mean Pet, does she have to go? Your sister entered that world and...there really isn't a sensitive way to put this, we both know that Sirius was her sworn godfather and that Longbottom woman...Alice? She was her godmother, if Iris was left with us that means they're all dead. James, Lily, Sirius, Alice, and who knows who else? If we raise her to be our daughter I just...I want to keep her safe, away from all those freaks that mean her harm."

At that Petunia began sobbing and buried her face in her husbands arm, "Oh Vernon, do you think we can? Do you think we can keep her safe from _them_?" He pondered that, what had Sirius said about magic being all about intent? He'd mentioned that since his animagus form was named Padfoot, and he self identified with that name all letters and spells aimed towards that name would find him. If...hmm...

"What if we adopt her?" He began slowly, gaining confidence as he spoke, "What if she didn't grow up Iris Potter, but Iris Dursley? When she eventually notices that her and Dudley's birthdays don't add up we'll let her know she's actually our niece but that shouldn't matter, she's still family. If she sees herself as a Dursley, would those backwards freaks be able to find her?"

Petunia, who had a hopeful look in her eyes leaned forward and kissed Vernon fully before pulling back, "That's brilliant love!"

He smirked at that, "Well I'm not the youngest sales director in Grunning's history for nothing love, one has to think outside the box after all." Sighing the pair stared at the child in his arms a few minutes before her gaze met theirs, her emerald eyes shining brightly as the newly risen sun bathed them in its warm light.

Eventually, reality set in and Vernon spoke again, "Out of curiosity do you think those wizards blokes bothered filing the guardianship papers or do you think they just decided to leave her on the porch and be done with it?"

Petunia winced and dropped her head to his shoulder, "I'll ask Adeline if she'll watch Dudley while we go into town..."

Bollocks...bloody wizards...

 _ **Christmas Day, 1987**_

Dudley Dursley woke up with a gleam in his eye, the blonde boy sat up and looked about his room and then slid out of his bed focused for the day ahead. It was _Christmas_ , which meant two things, opening presents with his sister, and seeing Aunt Marge. He would really rather focus on that first bit honestly, Aunt Marge was a bit much to take in.

Opening his door and padding down the hall as gently as he could he opened his sisters bedroom door and quietly stepped inside. Walking up to the redhead he shook her gently and the slight girl groggily opened her green eyes to stare at him in confusion.

"Dud, wuz go'in on..." she began sounding only partly coherent as she rubbed sleep sand from her eyes, grinning he leaned forward and whispered his reply. Her reaction was all he could hope for.

"It's Christmas morning," eyes widening she shot up and her brother stepped back snickering as one hand snatched up her stuffed deer toy and the other latched onto his arm in one motion, instantly moving towards the hall as fast as physically possible. The two siblings made it to their parents bedroom door and rushed inside hopping onto the foot of the bed giggling.

The sound and motion woke the adults who both rather begrudgingly sat up to see two grinning faces, as one the children yelled, "IT'S CHRISTMAS! HAPPY CHRISTMAS!" Vernon and Petunia exchanged wry smiles as they shook their heads.

Ten minutes later saw the family downstairs as the children tore open their presents, the Dursleys tried not to go too overboard, three large gifts each along with what was in their stockings. This year was different though, there was a large box with both children's names on it, the only item to survive the wrapping paper apocalypse.

Sharing a knowing look the siblings rushed the large gift and tore the brightly colored paper off it to take in their new bounty, Iris cocked her head to the side and turned to her dad before speaking.

"Daddy what's a Nintendo?" Snorting the mustached man took a sip of the black coffee in his hand, the only thing keeping him awake at the moment mind you, before responding.

"That love is a video game system, Gibbons down in accounting got one for his son for his birthday and he seemed to rather enjoy it, I thought it would be something to idle the time away when the weather was bad and the like." Nodding at this the children thanked their parents and eventually helped clean up the mess they'd created, a time later they'd dragged the large boxed game system upstairs and hooked it into the television they kept in the spare bedroom.

Normally the smallest room in the house was reserved for Aunt Marge's visits, thankfully the woman wasn't really fond of it and didn't stay often, neither Iris nor Dudley wanted to admit it but they didn't like the woman all that much. She smelled strongly of dogs and brandy, and she yelled a lot for no apparent reason, they didn't think their mum liked her much either but what could be done, family was family.

"What should we play first? Dudley asked, looking through the handful of games they'd gotten with the system, Iris grabbed one whose box art caught her eye and ripped the cellophane wrapping off it.

"Lets try this one, it's called Final Fantasy," popping the cartridge in she pressed the power button and...nothing happened. The siblings exchanged a look and Dudley shrugged as he turned the power off and pulled the game out of its slot, turning to his sister he shrugged again.

"Err...maybe it's dusty and not making a connection?"

Iris nodded in turn, "Yeah probably it, blow on it I guess?" Doing so Dudley took in a deep breath and blew on the circuit contacts, sliding the game back into its slot and hitting the power button again they were greeted with a pleasant digital melody as text played across the screen.

 _The world is veiled in_

 _darkness. The wind stops,_

 _the sea is wild,_

 _and the earth begins to rot._

 _They people wait,_

 _their only hope, a prophecy..._

 _'When the world is in darkness_

 _Four Warriors will come...'_

 _After a long journey, four young warriors arrive,_

 _each holding an ORB._

As Iris read the quickly scrolling script to her brother she couldn't help feeling a bit irked by it, "Everything falls apart and people just wait for someone else to fix it?"

Dudley nodded in turn, "Dad calls 'em layabouts...well lets get started..." the character creation screen loaded up and they were asked to name their heros, Iris noted that there were only four letters available and grinned widely.

"Name the fighter BigD, like you!" Dudley rolled his eyes but smiled in turn as he did so, as they were prompted to pick the second character he paused when it was already loaded as a thief.

Dudley's nose crinkled at that, "Dad says thieves are the worst sort, are there others?" Taking the controller Iris cycled past the monk and ended up on the red mage, handing the controller back to Dudley she smiled sheepishly at his quizzical look.

"I err...it matches my hair..." blushing a bit she averted her eyes as Dudley laughed, when she turned back to the screen she saw her name proudly displayed under the mage, "Dud don't name it after me!" Giggling her brother gently pushed her shoulder which, due to his large size and her tiny frame sent her off the edge of the bed. Hopping up she glared at her brother who had already cycled past the other party members to start the game.

"Too late to do anything about it now sis, come on lets see what we've got!" Sighing she clambered back on the bed and pouted next to her brother who blithely ignored her, he was quite literally the only person her pout did not work on and he knew it. They took turns playing and Iris couldn't help but admitting she took a liking towards her namesake, she liked the jack of all trades approach to the red mage.

Capable with swords, able to heal and damage well, sure the red mage wasn't the best at anything but he could _do_ everything, as long as he was supported by the fighter, white, and black mages he fit in perfectly. A few hours later their rather perturbed mother entered the room, her annoyance melted a bit seeing her children leaning against each other completely enamored with their game.

"Ahem," she coughed out, both kids hopped up and turned to their mum who only shook her head at the pair, "Your Aunt Marge is here, come down for dinner you two have been on that infernal thing all day as is." Saddened, but having no desire to annoy their mum enough to get their new toy taken from them the siblings left the room and went to deal with their drunk relative.

You knew it was going to be a bad day when their dad looked tense around his sister, it meant she was more drunk then usual, her huge slobbering dog staining the carpet at her feet as it lay on its side not helping matters at all.

Leaning in to whisper to her brother Iris quietly said, "Is it dying?"

Dudley returned the whisper with, "I hope?" It wasn't that they didn't like animals, it was that neither liked getting chased by a dog named 'Ripper', they may be children but they had survival instincts.

That was when the pair earned their Aunt's attention, she grinned happily when she took in Dudley, "DUDDERS! How is my boy doing?" Gaze shifting to her niece her smile fell in an instant, "Girl, you haven't been causing any mischief have you?" Iris kept her annoyance in check but Dudley bristled at the comment, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently to calm him.

It was something she did often really, Dudley had anger issues, and he could get violent if no one headed his temper off, that's where Iris came in. As long as she was around her brother to give a soothing word or a calming touch his anger would drop down to a simmer, and while it hurt that her aunt treated her so poorly it wouldn't do for him to get in trouble. A small part of her though was rather pleased that he would rise to her defense, kind of like how the fighter protected the mages really.

"I'm doing fine Aunt Marge," Dudley seethed out as pleasantly as he could as he took his place at the table, Iris sliding in next to him trying her best to look as small as possible under Marge's glare. She never could figure out why the woman disliked her so much, they were family weren't they? She'd brought it up to her parents before but they were, err...what was the word...right, they were evasive about it.

So what followed was an awkward dinner and half hearted farewells which ended up getting them seconds of dessert and firm hugs from their mum for being so courteous to, as she put it, 'The foul bint'. Iris filed that away for later, if her prim and proper mum felt that way about Marge well...maybe she shouldn't worry too much about what the woman thought.

Two days later found the siblings near literally kicked out of the house, they'd been on their Nintendo nearly the entire time and their incredibly frustrated mother demanded they get some fresh air. Dejected but being far too aware they couldn't really argue with her the pair went strolling through the back garden and into the woods surrounding their neighborhood.

Eventually Dudley picked up a stick and begin twirling it about himself, Iris grinned and grabbed her own stick and thus began an impromptu sword fight. She was quick and agile, stabbing forward with darting jabs while Dudley was all powerful heavy swings whose strikes made her stick vibrate in her hands.

As always she was at a disadvantage, and while he didn't intend to his constant taunts were getting on her nerves, it wasn't her fault she was a girl and so tiny! Stupid boys with their stupid bigger bodies, gasping as her stick snapped in half while Dudley laughingly taunted her she extended a finger towards him and yelled out the first thing that came to mind.

"FIRE!" To her unending shock a small ball of fire shot from her hand and slammed into her brother, he fell to the ground screaming and she rushed forward batting at the flames engulfing his chest. He was panicking but managed to roll around enough to put the fire out, gasping his blue eyes were displaying shocked pain as his fingers brushed the burnt flesh in the center of his chest.

Crying hysterically Iris was running her hands down her face shrieking near incoherently, "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry-" she didn't know what to do, how had she done that, why had that worked? She'd seen kids play pretend all the time at school and they never conjured fire out of thin air much less hurt their siblings with it! Wait...could...could she do more?

Spreading her fingers over the burn she yelled "CURE!" but nothing happened. Why didn't it work? How had the fire spell worked? She was really angry at Dudley for being stronger then her and well...maybe that was it? Focusing not her anger, but her determination the little redhead pushed all her will into her fingertips as she repeated herself "CURE!"

This time, this time something happened, there was a dull blue glow and Dudley's sobs began to slow down and eventually stopped altogether. Eventually He sat up and touched his unblemished skin, no signs of the painful burns present, turning to his still blubbering sister he pulled her into a firm hug that she quickly returned, after a time she eventually shuddered out two words. "I'm sorry."

Sighing Dudley decided the best way to resolve this situation was to focus on the positives, not, for instance, how they were going to explain his burnt shirt and jacket to their mum. Getting her to focus on his face he shot her a wide grin that she returned with a shaky smile, she was still crying though but he figured that was a girl thing and wisely kept that thought to himself.

"Iris don't you realize what this means? What you are?"

She sobbed again and buried her head in his shoulder, "I'm a freak!"

Sighing he pushed her upright again and shook his head, "No Iris, you're a mage! You're a red mage!" At that she paused, yes she'd accidentally burnt her brother but she'd also healed him, she...she was magic! She was a mage!

Her terrified tears forgotten she returned his grin, "Blimey...I am!"

Dudley stood and then helped his sister to her feet and was soon rubbing his hands together greedily, "What else do you think you can do?"

She 'hmmd' at that a bit before nodding, "Lets try casting ice next, then lightening," he nodded in turn taking her hand as they walked deeper into the woods, neither of them having any idea how this days events would change the entire world.

* * *

 **What did you think? If I get enough response to this one I actually want to make it the yang to Lady of Slytherin's ying, how a badly damaged or a highly nurturing environment could shape a young girl. So please, review, and to those who are impatiently waiting yes yes Lady's next chapter is halfway finished, as I've said a thousand times before writing Dumbledore is a pain in the ass. With that, Nemesis out!**

 **Edit-Right Right, obviously Iris is the Red Mage, and Dudley is the fighter, I'm leaning toward Hermione becoming the White Mage, but who do you all want to see as the Black Mage? Open to suggestions**


	2. Feel the Force, Iris!

**Since the response to the first chapter was so overwhelmingly positive I decided to post this despite it being so soon, don't expect it to be a common occurrence and I just wanted to gift you lovely people with something while I tear my hair out over 'Lady's new chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

If Petunia and Vernon noticed that their little girl had taken to wearing red at all times over the past two years they hadn't let it be known. More then likely they just wrote it off as a childish attempt to match her hair to her wardrobe and left it at that. The slight girl, who only appeared even _smaller_ when standing next to her towering brother, was currently shifting about uncomfortably in her crimson velvet dress while Dudley did his best to look studiously bored as they waited for their guests.

Honestly the inseparable pair hated these little dinners, their father was a hardworking, respectable man and the fact he had to suck up to his superiors just to cement a sale riled them both. A man shouldn't have to scrimp and beg to do his job just to appease the egos of others, their dad had said so himself late at night when he didn't think they were listening. They agreed, thus their anger at their late to arrive dinner guests, teeth gritting Iris let out a quiet growl and was startled as Dudley placed a large hand on her shoulder.

"Relax sis, it's not like catching them on fire or freezing them solid will help anything." She sighed at that and did her best to release her tension, the nine year old girl knew he was right. While she'd taught herself many stat boosting and healing spells most of her arsenal was meant for offense. Lightning, fire, ice, blinding, slowing and speeding stuff up, heck, she could even use a few self made attacks like Frostfire, and Explosion...heh, that was a good one. Despite the power she wielded none of her magic spells could really do anything about her annoyance right now.

You can't hurt people that annoy you, that's the way of bullys, not heroes, and since she and Dudley were heroes well...their hands were tied. That didn't mean they had to be happy about it, with that thought there was a knock at the door and the two children approached it, Dudley swung it open and Iris immediately dipped into a well practiced curtsy.

"Mister and Misses Carlyle, a pleasure, please come in." The first impression Iris got from the pair was that the woman was already drunk, and the man had a false smile, the young mage was rarely wrong when it came to first impressions and frankly, this didn't bode well.

"Well aren't you just the most adorable thing ever! And what's your name little lady?" Something else that got on her nerves, she hated being talked down to, yes yes she was a kid and she knew it, but that didn't mean she was slow darn it!

Suppressing the urge to grimace in disgust she instead smiled demurely while nodding to the bleach blonde woman and her disinterested husband, "Iris ma'am, this is my brother Dudley."

Pleasantries made the kids took their parents guest's jackets and hung them in the cupboard under the stairs before entering the kitchen. Finally releasing her held in sigh she turned to her mum as the thin woman finished the hor dourves tray, Petunia went to turn off the stove buzzer and her elbow managed to catch the open wine bottle sending it to the floor.

Gasping Iris quickly cast a levitation spell at it and rushed to grab the now floating bottle, Petunia turned her head just in time to see what appeared to be a very lucky catch.

"Oh love thank goodness you were there! I'm so sorry, nerves I think, here let me take the wine and you take the tray of food all right?" Nodding she took said tray and grunted a bit at its weight, her strength and endurance stats really were abysmal despite all her training with her brother, who, at the moment was smirking at her in amusement as he hefted a tray of wine glasses.

"Not a word brother dear," smirking the blonde boy just shrugged, not really finding it necessary to comment on the obvious, his sister really should just leave the heavy lifting to him and be done with it. If they needed something spelled correctly, danced to, or caught on fire she was your girl, need something heavier then a pillow picked up? Well there was a reason she kept him around wasn't there?

As the pair entered the living room Iris placed the tray of finger food before their guests as Dudley dutifully held the tray of glasses remaining stoically silent as Petunia filled them and handed the drinks out. Relieved of their burdens the Dursley kids sat on the couch and did their best to remain polite as the Carlyle's prattled on and their dad did his best to schmooze his superior.

"I'm bored," Dudley stated flatly and Iris nodded before letting her head fall onto her brothers shoulder. Suppressing the urge to fiddle with the hem of her dress she eventually settled with kicking her white stocking clad feet feet to the rhythm of the Castlevania theme.

Sighing she decided to strike up a conversation, "You think vampires are real?"

Latching onto anything to alleviate his boredom he quickly replied while nodding once, "Why not? You're a mage after all, who knows what's really out there?" She 'hmm'd' at that a moment before turning her attention back to Mister Carlyle narrowing her eyes in the process.

She didn't like the man, he seemed...fake, and his wife was annoying, she had a nasally laugh and seemed to find everything mum and dad said hilarious as she downed half the wine bottle herself. She caught her mum shooting her a look and Iris gave her a weak smile that was returned in kind, well...at least she wasn't alone in her discomfort.

Still, she was a good little girl and would do everything in her power to appear normal and polite, if daddy got this sale set in stone they'd probably be able to move to a house with a bigger back garden. She rather liked that idea, more space to go adventuring and all so she would do her best to be on her perfect behavior.

It wasn't until daddy went to the loo and mum went into the kitchen when Mister Carlyle dropped the plastic smile, she wasn't sure where she gotten that description from but it really fit. Staring at the man her vibrant emerald eyes met his dull mud brown gaze and she couldn't help but thinking out, 'What are you planning mister man?'

What she got in return caused her to gasp in shock, Dudley grabbed her hand in worry but it was for naught, she saw this mans plans and it horrified her. Carlyle saw daddy as a competitor, if things kept going the way they were he'd be left in the dust while daddy took the promotion he coveted for himself.

So Mister Carlyle was setting up something to frame daddy with, something called 'embezzlement', she'd have to look that word up later but it didn't sound good. Angered beyond words she hopped off the couch letting out a cute little squeak in the process, brushing past the drunk and passed out blonde woman she stopped before Mister Carlyle and felt her magic pool in her hands.

Pointing a finger at the man she seethed out, "You will treat daddy right, you will let him earn what is his, and you will feel ashamed for trying to ruin him you big meany!" Mister Carlyle's eyes unfocused a moment before they took on a glassy hue, nodding once he smiled down at the little girl.

"I will treat Vernon right, I will let him earn what is his, and I will feel shame for what I was planning on doing."

Placing her hands on her hips the little redhead nodded once in confirmation, "Good, and let this be a lesson to you!" With that she returned to her seat next to a very bemused Dudley and the rest of the night went off without a hitch, three days later daddy came home with great news.

Normally when her dad came home he was exhausted and worn out, he smelled of sweat and cigarettes that he _insisted_ were from someone else and not him, mum never believed him, and would plop in his chair in front of the telly. Today though he rushed through the door with a manic grin on his face, seeing his children doing their homework at the kitchen table he snatched both of them in his wide arms and spun the pair sending them into a giggle fit.

Petunia entered the room looking slightly concerned and sniffed lightly at the air, "Vernon what's gotten into you, have you been drinking? You smell like you've been at t-" She was cut off as her husband placed the kids on the ground and pulled her into a searing kiss.

Pulling away he left his speechless wife standing their as he rubbed his hands together, "I made the sale! Oh I made the sale! I was just promoted they want me to take over the new facility they're building on the other side of London, it won't be up and operational till next year but I'm already being given my new salary! We did it Pet, we finally made it!

After Vernon calmed down enough to explain the entire situation he soon found himself in his recliner sipping on a glass of scotch, stroking his mustache he eventually acquired a rather contemplative look.

"You know the strangest bit about all this?" Petunia, who was still exilirated at the prospect of being able to afford a bigger home for her growing children only hummed a bit in reply as her husband continued.

"It's what Steven said, something about how he had to do what was right and give me what I'd earned, and that he was ashamed of trying to derail me. Odd that, admitting to it that is. I suspected something was fishy but to openly admit it? Just odd, very odd."

Dudley eyed his sister a moment whose emerald orbs widened as she gasped quietly, excusing himself the large boy grabbed her hand and guided her upstairs. Pulling her into what had essentially become their game room the towering boy shook the small girl gently to get her attention.

"Iris, do you realize what you've done?!" Torn between joy at her daddy's promotion and the horror of warping a mans will to her own she was drawn from her thoughts as Dudley grinned widely, "Sis, you freaking Obi-Wan'd that guy! You're like...you're like a bloody Jedi who likes to catch things on fire!"

"Language Dudley," she stated automatically as she quickly processed what her brother said. She had used...she'd used an old Jedi mind trick! She _had_ totes Obi-Wan'd Mister Carlyle! With that she began stroking her chin slowly as her eyes narrowed, eventually she turned back to her still grinning brother and nodded.

"We need to get mum and dad to teach up how to use swords, then...then we need to build lightsabers..." Dudley's grin became even wider as he nodded at his little sisters statement, that they did.

Surprisingly enough it didn't take much convincing for the kids to talk their parents into giving them fencing lessons. Vernon thought the idea of his little girl having the ability to stab people who got shirty with her was brilliant and Petunia was quite taken with the thought that her little Dudley wanted to be a knight. After their first lesson, the pair had come to a very different conclusion then their parents.

"I CAN'T MOVE MY ARMS!" Dudley whined to his sister who was currently sprawled against his chest as he lay upon their game rooms bed, the small redhead whimpered a bit in turn.

"Me neither, I didn't expect that, though the way sensei was smiling makes me think he knew it would happen." Their sword master, a Japanese man who simply called himself Urahara, had put them through fencing drills the entire day and both kids could still feel each strike traveling up their otherwise numb arms.

"What do you call someone who enjoys hurting others?" There was a snort from the door as their mum leaned against the frame, rolling her eyes she handed both her children a glass of juice as she shook her head in amusement.

"It's sadism or schadenfreude dear, and Master Urahara doesn't suffer from either of those, he was just seeing what you could handle, outside of the obvious pain how did you enjoy your class?" Perking up at the offered juice both children took their glasses and sipped on them with shaky hands, Iris speaking up first after she downed her drink in one pull.

"I like it! Master Urahara says I'm a natural with the rapier, though he says I have to do a lot to improve my endurance," she pouted at that glaring at the floor in annoyance, "He's right too..."

Dudley snorted at that while rolling his eyes, "He is, you're like twig."

Scowling she tried to push her brother over but her weakened arms and their size difference simply caused her to fall to her side, undetoured she sat back up and scowled at the now giggling boy.

"If I'm a twig then you're a stump!"

He shrugged at that completely unfazed, "A stump you can't knock over little sister."

Scowling she then grinned in turn causing Dudley to look a bit concerned, "You can always blow stumps out of the ground with an explosion brother dear." Before the argument could escalate further Petunia coughed into her hand to get her children's attention.

"And you Dudley?" He shrugged a bit before taking another sip of his juice, eventually he spoke up sounding slightly unsure.

"I...think I might want to look into karate or something like that, the swords felt...wrong in my hands..." Iris shot him a betrayed look at that as her empty glass fell from her hands onto the floor, luckily it was plastic.

"But...but you're my knight! You need to be able to use a sword!" Dudley shot a panicked look to his mum before turning back to his sister trying his best to salvage the situation as her lower lip began to tremble. Girls, really.

"I, I can still be in your party sis! I can be the monk! He's still really powerful but just uses his hands instead of a sword!" She seemed to calm at that as she sniffled a bit, Dudley eyed her hopefully desiring more then anything to not have a girl crying because of him in front of his mum.

"You, you promise?"

Relief obvious in his voice he pulled her into a one armed hug and nodded emphatically, "Of course Iris, I'll always be there for you!"

Petunia was torn between amusement and pride, eventually she just settled for ruffling both their heads a bit before turning to leave, "Well all right then, we already paid for the month so you two will go regardless, if Dudley wants to do martial arts or something like that we'll look into it...Vernon _was_ quite the boxer back in his day..."

With plans set for their upcoming training the siblings sat in silence for a few moments, eventually Dudley turned to Iris and cocked a single contemplative eyebrow.

"Yoda could lift a starfighter with the force, do you think you could lift a car with your magic?"

Returning his look with a knowing grin she hopped off the bed before nodding, "Lets find out!"

* * *

 **It's a bit fluffy yeah but they're still just kids, shit isn't going to hit the fan until they're in their early teens. Anyway hope you enjoyed and please REVIEW!**


	3. Random Encounter

**Now things get a bit dark here but they don't stay that way, and since some of you are skittish just making it clear the kids get through this unscathed, Dudley just suffers some character development while Iris takes her first steps to becoming an arsonist.**

* * *

It had been three months since Iris and Dudley had began training with Sensei Urahara, and while the man with a peculiar penchant for stripped bucket hats training was harsh, his easy going attitude showed he wasn't being malicious as he tore the kids apart. Not that it made the bruises hurt any less mind you, the children just didn't hate him for it as much as they had initially.

Iris had stuck with the rapier, she liked the weapon and felt a connection to it, and after much deliberation Dudley had told their sensei that the weapon wasn't for him. The blonde man had just stroked the stubble on his chin a moment before laughing and stating he was wondering when his pupil would admit to such.

While annoyed and admittedly a bit angry Dudley was derailed when the tall man had reached into his weapon cabinet tossing the boy a practice long sword and a wooden shield. After a brief sparring match where his master simply deflected his strikes with his ever present cane Dudley was sold. These were the weapons for him.

Their sensei had made it very clear he was impressed with their progress, while they were still novices in the extreme they showed signs of growth and the fact that neither backed down was encouraging. Dudley had even brought up learning unarmed combat but Urahara suggested he learn the basics of his chosen weapons before branching out, and they of course deferred to their sensei in that regard.

Iris's magic power training had taken a turn for the strange though, while she _had_ in fact been able to levitate cars like Yoda it was making them come back down that she'd had issues with. The kids had nervously watched the news for days waiting to hear about the floating Ford Pinto found drifting above Surrey but nothing ever came of it. Maybe it had blown out to sea and no one had seen it?

They were still trying to figure out why gravity decided to just stop working on things Iris levitated when a rather life altering event occurred. Thankfully for Dudley's sanity his sister would remember it as a grand adventure, he alone bore the burden of what could have happened.

 _ **August 3, 1990**_

The Dursley siblings were walking home from the park in the waning summer light, Iris happily chattering away at her indulgent brother when a very old looking car pulled up beside them. Dudley didn't know much about vehicles, he held no real interest in them but he knew this one had to have been expensive if its mint condition and glossy surface were any indicator.

As the window rolled down a raspy voice called out, "Hello children, would you like some candy?" Dudley paused, turned to Iris who had mirrored the gesture, they both blinked, turned back to the car, and back to each other before she pipped out a reply.

"Wow, I thought the teacher was only making things up about stranger danger and all that, I didn't think someone would actually try to bribe us into a car with candy." Dudley nodded once as he pushed his sister behind him and began to walk backwards slowly.

Licking suddenly dry lips the boy shook his head slowly as he addressed the unseen man in the car, "We're good sir, thanks though."

There was a sigh from the car as the same raspy voice spoke up again, "No one has any appreciation for the classics, Rupert if you'd please?" Before either sibling could do anything a wood stick was thrust out of the window and in a flash of red light they both fell to the ground.

The door opened as a ratty looking man in an old style ill kept suit stepped out and pointed his wand at the kids levitating them onto the cab floor, he re-entered the car and turned to the ancient being lounging on the opposite seat.

Red eyes glowing faintly the pale man tilted his head to the side while grinning, exposing a set of incredibly long fangs as he took in their catch.

"You were right Rupert, she's perfect for the collection, we haven't had a redhead in so long."

Rupert nodded quickly and jerkily as he turned to the blonde boy, "And the brother?"

His Master shrugged uncaringly at that as he replied in a bored tone, "Do with him as you wish. When we return to the mansion have her sent to the special chambers, and tell them to be gentle!" Reaching a hand down he lifted a strand of red hair sniffing it gently before smiling again, "I do not want my doll sullied in the slightest."

* * *

Dudley came to in what looked like a dungeon, or an armory, or rather something in between he really wasn't sure, what he was sure of was that he was currently tied to a chair. That couldn't be good. Taking in his surroundings he caught sight of a man whose back was currently turned to him as he hummed over a work table, eventually he seemed to sense Dudley's gaze and turned to grin a the boy.

"Welcome to my little workshop boy, old Rupert has so many fun things planned for you yes he does!" Well, this didn't bode well, Dudley was no psychologist but he'd definitely put this guy in the crazy category if the mad gleam in his eyes was any indicator. He kind of reminded Dudley of the creepy old guy who hung out at the bus stop that Iris would occasionally point ou-

"WHERE IS MY SISTER?!" He bellowed eyes momentarily flashing in panicked rage, Rupert for his part seemed mildly nonplussed at this reaction.

"Well...I had hoped for more sniveling and begging, it makes the vivisection more entertaining you see," Dudley had no idea what that word meant, and he had no desire to find out any time soon. "As for Little Red, well my master is currently preparing her for the ritual, you see he's always had a thing for the blood of little girls.

"Something about the bouquet being complemented by the fact that their bodies held so little of the liquid ambrosia. Unlike his uncultured compatriots though he doesn't waste the meatsack, he has...other plans for his little dolls."

Approaching Dudley with a drawn knife and a pointed stick he grinned at the open mouthed horror playing across the boys face, "Ah you see, now _that's_ what I was hoping for! It's such a pity my master will never turn me fully, forever stuck as a thrall. You see that's the trade off to becoming a vampire, you lose your ability to use standard wizard magic and I'm far too useful to my master as is.

"Instead I have to find my indulgences in...other pursuits, ah well, now tell me, how fond are you of your fingers little boy?" Dudley just stared at him blankly, Iris-, they were going to-, his little sister-, no! Fighting against the restraints Dudley seethed in rage wishing being wish that his bonds were broken, that he could stop this horrible man, save his sister!

It wasn't fair they were just kids! They didn't do anything wrong to deserve being captured by these freaks! Rupert stared down at the boy smiling in amusement as he thrashed about in the chair, "Ah good good, you fully understand your position. It's better this way, to suffer is to know you are alive after all, now...huh?"

Dudley felt something break inside of him, like his rage had been freed and washed through his body in seconds causing him for one brief moment to feel like he could take on the world. His bonds snapped and before Rupert could do anything Dudley jumped forward punching him in the crotch with all his might. Letting out a wheezing noise the man fell to his knees dropping his stick while lashing out with his rusty knife.

Dodging the strike but still getting grazed he managed to snatch up the fallen stick and went to poke him in the eye with it as a shower of sparks sprayed forth catching the mans hair on fire. As Rupert rolled on the floor screaming Dudley looked at the stick in his hand in utter confusion but shrugged it off as the man continued to whimper as he batted at his smoldering head.

Dudley felt exhilarated, terrified, relieved, but all that was overpowered by the resolve to find his sister. Steeling himself for what needed to be done the boy approached the wall of weapons and removed what looked to be a dirk, Sensei Urahara had told him it was something between a long knife and a short sword and would do for this situation.

Approaching the fallen creep Dudley stuck the blades point at the mans throat and seethed out, "Where. Is. My. Little. Sister."

* * *

Iris came to in what was quite possibly one of the strangest rooms she'd ever seen, half of it looked like it was from the set to a horror movie, the other half looked like the clothes department of a store specializing in pretty dresses for little girls. As she took in her surroundings she caught the flash of something hanging on one of the racks and narrowed her eyes as she assessed it. Yes...it would be hers.

There was a dry coughing noise that drew her attention from her goal, stepping from the shadows was an incredibly old man. He was bald, had slightly glowing red eyes, and his smile exposed elongated teeth as he licked his lips in anticipation.

"Err...hi? Sorry you took offense to us not wanting candy but you know, don't talk to strangers and all that." The man tilted his head to the side a bit as if trying to figure out if she was serious or not, eventually he just shrugged as he approached a table covered in weird marks that hurt her...sanity to look at.

"You are an interesting one my little doll, normally when I bring girls in here they panic and make the process far more difficult then necessary." As he said this he pulled out what looked like a brass bowl and a long black knife, turning he smiled again, "I do hope you're willing to be more cooperative then my last meal. She struggled so much that she ruined herself, and I had such plans for that little doll too."

Ok. Things have officially gotten creepy, Iris decided to figure this out right quick, "Mister where is my brother?"

He smirked darkly at that while rubbing a clawed finger under his chin, "Oh I'm sure Rupert is having fun with him in his little hall of horrors, hopefully he doesn't make such a mess this time, getting viscera out of the carpet is rather tedious even with household charms."

Gritting her teeth at the prospect of Dudley being hurt she eventually spat out, "Mister are you a bad guy? That is evil?" He paused at that as he seemed to grope about for the right words to use on this strange child, eventually he took on a contemplative look before nodding.

"I suppose while my kind _do_ need to feed I happen to take unnecessary extra steps in the process that others would dictate made me a 'bad guy', and I suppose the entire 'hunting down little girls to drink their blood' would make me evil, yes."

Iris smiled at that while nodding, good they were getting somewhere. "Soooo what you're saying is you are an evil bad guy who happens to be a vampire, who plans on hurting my brother and me?"

He blinked, "Err...yes that about sums it up." He took an involuntary step back as a Cheshire cat grin spread across the girls face and her eyes began to glow.

There was a sudden smell of smoke as the girls bonds fell to the floor, hopping down from her chair flames ignited in her hands as she happily stated, "My first boss fight! Yay!"

* * *

As Dudley rushed through the halls of the dilapidated mansion he calmly reflected on something his mum had once told him, take the biggest bully, turn their position around and they'll become the worlds biggest coward. Rupert, thank God, was a coward and took almost no convincing from Dudley to tell him where Iris was being kept. Taking only enough time to snap one of the dungeons wall shackles to the mans leg the irate ten year old rushed up flights of stairs blade in hand, cracking the door open he saw a pair of what looked like zombies...sweeping the floor.

Stepping into the hall he warily approached the creatures but they paid him no heed, shrugging it off he made his way down the hall until he reached an ornate door. The first thought he had was 'Tacky', thankfully if what Rupert said was true he was heading the right direction, pulling the doors open he tried to see through the dark gloom when suddenly the room was filled with bright light.

Sconces along the ceiling ignited in flashing blue flames casting flickering shadows on the glass cased walls, bringing the dirk up before him he slowly made his way down the hall but felt himself falter as he saw inside the cases.

Dolls, dozens of lifelike dolls dressed up from different eras, they all had pale skin and their eyes seemed to follow him as he began moving again which was quite unsettling thank you very much.

He nearly lost it when one of them moved her lips slightly and it all came together, "Oh...oh my god..." That's what the freak meant about 'not wasting the meatsack' that...that monster was going to kill his sister and turn her into an undead doll?! Rage superseded panic as he rushed down the halls past disinterested zombie servants when he nearly lost his footing as the building shook violently.

Rushing to the source of the disturbance Dudley entered a large ballroom when the far doors exploded outward and a burning body flew across the floor. Turning to the source of the destruction he nearly collapsed in relief when Iris skipped through the twisted broken doors looking none the worse for wear.

Seeing him she grinned widely, "DUDLEY! You're ok, I'm so happy! Guess what! Not only was this a random encounter but we get our very own boss fight against a vampire! Kind of unimpressed honestly, was a lot harder in the game," as she said this the smoldering vampire stood up and hissed sounding completely enraged.

"You'll die for that you little bitch!"

Iris narrowed her eyes as she calmly stated, "Language Mister Vampire," and with that she unleashed another torrent of flames. Eventually the stumbling vampire walked into the drape covered walls pulling them free of the windows, as early morning sunlight washed over him he began screaming in agony falling to his knees. Less then thirty seconds later he was nothing but a pile of ash, Iris stared down at smoldering remains and huffed, "What a let down."

Dudley eyed his little sister incredulously before she perked up and ran back into the room she'd come from, "IRIS WAIT! Where are you going!" He yelled out as he raced after her, coming to a dead stop in a room filled with clothes meant for little girls. Swallowing tightly as he closed his eyes and trying not to think about what could have been Iris hopped out from behind one of the racks and spread her arms grinning.

"Tada!"

Dudley rubbed the bridge of his nose as he slowly shook his head, "What?"

She pouted cutely as she spun around letting her new crimson hooded cloak swish about her, "Boss loot Dud, keep up!"

Trying to suppress the urge to grin, and failing, he turned to the racks of clothes and looked over his shoulder back at the destroyed ballroom before an idea hit him.

"Hey sis, why not catch this place on fire and make our way out of here?" She cocked a brow at that while tilting her head to the side in confusion.

"Whatever for Dudley?"

He gave her a coy smirk in return, "What? You make it sound like you _don't_ want to reenact one of Indiana Jones' great escapes."

Breath catching a moment her eyes narrowed into slits, "Don't be putting words in my mouth Dudley Vernon Dursley!" With that she splayed her hands out and sprayed magical fire throughout the room. As the pair rushed through the building, Iris giggling like mad as flames followed in their wake, the siblings soon pushed the doors open exposing them to fresh morning skies.

Huffing in deep breathes Dudley turned back to the smoking building thinking about the display cases of long dead girls and felt he did the right thing to burn it all to the ground, give them something resembling peace. Dudley tossed the dirk aside and grabbed his sisters hand as she was humming the victory music from Final Fantasy, gently pulling her along.

Eventually, she broke the subdued silence, "Mum is going to be sooooo mad at us," Dudley winced at that, yeah they were going to be in trouble for sure. He really had no idea how to explain this one to their parents but...it had been an adventure that was for sure.

It would be an entire week before Dudley remembered he'd left Rupert in the burning buildings dungeon. He never told Iris.

* * *

 **There you have it their first real dangerous adventure, and what's this? Dudley seems to have found something interesting out about himself, will he put two and two together? Will the kids be grounded for life? Will Iris find a hat to match her new cape? Till next time!**


	4. The Black Mage

**Sorry for the wait and the short chapter, hand injury then simple writers block, it happens.**

 **A few words now.**

 **Some of you are whining about how the Dursleys are out of character and not behaving as they would in cannon.**

 **No. Shit.**

 **The entire premise of this is if Petunia and Vernon behaved like...humans rather then plot device caricatures, I thought I made that clear in the first A/N. Apparently I didn't make it clear enough.**

 **NOW! Some of you are worried about Iris's mental state, well...good call. While she isn't psychotic she isn't well balanced due to growing up viewing life as a video game, it isn't healthy and in his later teens Dudley is seriously going to regret his hand in her mental development but no worries!**

 **Really, she isn't going to end up insane, just...a bit touched, I honestly can't wait for her to meet Luna, the Wizarding World will weep when those two start scheming together.**

 **As an analogy, Iris is like a radio that switches to the next station when you slam the door too hard, sure it's kind of annoying but everything functions the way it should, it's just a bit quirky.**

 **Where as my flagship character Lillith Potter is more like...combining spare parts from a Zamboni, a blender, and an 8 Track Player and getting a functional PC out of it. It shouldn't work, it shouldn't do what it does, but no one is brave enough to take it apart and figure out what demonic power is fueling its existance.**

* * *

The months following their kidnapping hadn't been a lot of fun for the Dursley kids, namely because their parents had gone into over protective mode and their every move had been watched with extreme attention. While they couldn't go out 'Adventuring' nearly as much as Iris would like they were at least left to their own devices at home for the most part, and once they'd moved from Surrey to Crawley it hadn't been bad at all.

Their new manor home was, on the whole, ostentatious, if it hadn't been supplied by Grunnings their mum would never have agreed to the ridiculously huge old house. The plus side though, the back garden was _huge_ and since its perimeter was lined with ancient twisted hedges that nothing short of a chainsaw was getting through their parents felt it safe to leave their kids be.

Dudley, once admitting to his little sister that he was most likely magical too had been forced to meditate in a small copse of trees next to a tiny brook daily by said sister to bring his powers out. Unlike his sister projecting his power outwardly wasn't as easy as 'Just Doing It' as she put it, but one early October morning he finally got something, and he couldn't help grinning when he figured it out.

Iris was playing her Gameboy absently humming along to the Tetris theme (that her dad _swore_ he heard at one point when he visited the Soviet Union and it drove him mad that he couldn't place it) when she felt something caress her magic. Eyes widening as she felt her own power increase she turned to her brother who was grinning like a madman, eventually he lifted his head and his glowing blue eyes met her gaze.

"I'm stronger now," he stated absently, standing he turned to the stump he'd been sitting on and after a moments struggle wrenched the rotting wood from the ground and swung it over his head tossing it across the stream. As clods of mud landed about her the Gameboy fell from Iris's limp hands as she rushed to her brothers side in a matter of seconds actually creating a minor breeze in her wake, an aftereffect neither noticed at the time.

"Wowzers BigD! You're, you're...oh I got it! You're a paladin like the RPG books talked about! Aura stat increase! You're naturally strong so it increased your Strength stat through the roof!" As she was saying this she was bolting around Dudley staring up at him in admiration so quickly her brother couldn't keep track of her, eventually he broke out laughing as he shot an arm out catching the tiny girl in one arm and pulling her close.

Growling in annoyance as she kicked her legs petulantly he finally spoke up, "It's effecting you too sis, you're moving around like a kitten on caffeine, watch." Dropping the indignant redhead to the ground she turned to glare at him until what he said actually registered, and a moment later a feral grin curled up her lips as she sprinted away.

"You're right!" She cheered as she bolted to the unused doghouse on the edge of the property, sprinting about she was giggling in glee until she got about twenty meters from him and let out a gasping noise quickly falling to her knees. Sighing Dudley rushed over to her as she brought herself back to her feet as she stared at him in contemplation, "Limited distance...gonna have to remember that..."

It wouldn't be until mid December when the magically inclined, sword wielding duo met someone who would become their life long friend, after some work on her attitude of course.

* * *

The Dursley siblings for the most part fit in rather quickly at their new school, being new students they obviously had undue attention thrown their way on top of the fact they _were_ rather interesting.

Dudley was huge for a kid his age, baby fat aside he was at least a head taller then most boys in his class and his frame basically screamed 'I'm going to eventually play Rugby, and the opposing team shall cry'.

Iris on the other hand was small, her ruby red hair, scintillating emerald eyes, and easy smile just drew people to the bubbly child as she skipped happily through life.

This drew unwanted followers to the siblings, the slow thinking neanderthalic louts wanted Dudley as a leader, the giggling sycophants wanted to talk about what beauty products Iris used (Her response of 'Umm...shampoo?' was not appreciated) and so they spent a rather tedious amount of their time at the library, the refuge of all those that wanted to be left alone.

As Christmas approached Iris huddled next to Dudley while she read a book about dragons, hearing a group of girls gossiping as they passed she pulled her red knit cap down lower silently praying the morons would just leave her alone.

Iris was, for the most part a social person, but unlike the working class real people she made friends with in Surrey the upper crust folks at Crawley really really annoyed her. They acted like their lot in life was deserved rather then a sign that their parents earned it through hard work and if you showed any sign of weakness they'd attack it like hyenas. Honestly, the idea of spending the next several years of her life here was just-

"Hey Granger! Hiding in the library as always I see," Jolting her head up she turned to watch a mixed group of girls that seemed to be from multiple grades led by a much older girl who was obviously in her early teens. The girl they were addressing was the annoying know it all that always sat in the front row and would answer all the teachers questions as if it were the most important thing in the world

That was all that really bothered Iris about her really, it was fine to respect authority but the girl practically worshiped it, and a moment later Iris got her explanation as to _why_ Granger thought that way.

"Please leave me alone," she stated quietly falling in on herself, the tightening of her shoulders and drooping of her chin only making the other girls grin in turn.

"What, teachers pet doesn't have anything to shoot back with?" One of them said as she snatched up one of the Granger girls books, sneering she threw it over her shoulder causing Dudley to look up from his comics. His eyes narrowed at what he saw.

"'A Theory on Magik'? Really Granger? I knew you were a geek but I didn't think you were that bad." The girl looked like she was tearing up as she pulled her hands into her lap, the surrounding girls narrowing their circle as she whimpered out her reply.

"Please I didn't do anything leave me alone," much to both Dursley's surprise the oldest girl smacked Granger on the back of the head while sneering as she scoffed.

"Sorry bookworm not happening, and there's no teachers for you to run to now, Miss Renolds is on lunch," as the other girls jeered Iris turned to Dudley and nodded once and he returned the gesture. Enough was enough.

Iris removed her cap, the motion allowing her hair to fall past her shoulders while the siblings gained the groups attention as they pushed away from the table and kicked out of their chairs landing on their feet. The surrounding girls watched them warily as the angry looking brute and the grinning angel walked towards them.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Iris chirped out happily, Dudley simply cocked his head to the side and stared the much older girl in the eye meeting her gaze evenly.

One of them snapped out, "Nothing that has to do with you Dursley, why don't you go knit a tea cozy or something?" Iris cocked her head back at that as if struck as Dudley winced, his followup shiver didn't go unnoticed by the group as his sister responded.

"I'm not allowed to knit anymore, giving me sharp stabbing implements in a boring environment is bad for everyone involved. Not _really_ my fault honestly, some people just have really low pain thresholds..." That seemed to have the direct opposite effect of what she wanted, since rather than putting the group at ease they stared at her incredulously, eventually the oldest girl, apparently their spokesman replied.

"Wait...what?" Iris growled in frustration, these idiots were taking too long to talk to, she was reading about dragons and enjoying it but _noooo_ they had to go and bully the annoying girl. Ugh.

"It doesn't matter, why are you bothering Miss Granger here?" One of the girls sneered at that as she flicked the still cowering girls ear, Dudley, through his aura could feel said girls seething rage boiling beneath the surface and silently applauded her ability to hide it.

"Does it matter? She's ugly, her parents are _only_ dentists, and she's annoying, what is it to you Dursley?" Iris had enough, and incidentally so did her brother, sighing he turned to the small girl and met her anger laced gaze evenly as he spoke.

"Iris just Obi-Wan the stupid bints, I have better things to do," smirking in turn she cocked her head to assess the confused group then snorted to herself.

"Right-O then," extending her fore and middle finger she swept her hand across the group as she stated, "You will stop bullying your classmates."

As one the group sans Granger replied with "We will stop bullying our classmates," the brunette's eyes widened in shock turning to assess her assailants as they blankly stared at the smirking little redhead.

"You will feel shame for what you have done and reflect on what you've done in the past," after repeating her once again she made eye contact with the oldest girl as a malicious smirk curled up her lips. "And you'll forget to wear your knickers for the next week because you deserve the embarrassment, now move along."

"We'll move along," the girls chorused as they left the library, Dudley was snickering to himself as he turned to the now gaping Granger girl and sighed in frustration.

"Right, her, make her forget this and lets go sis, mum will understand why we skived off if we throw in the bit about the bullies, no need to tell her they weren't bullying _us_ after all."

Before Iris could respond Granger quickly squeaked out, "You're a Jedi too?! Like me!?" And with that, his little sister met her best friend for life.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed, and please leave your opinion in the review, should the Dursley kids get their letters along with Hermione next summer or should the wards wave them off till the Triwizard tournament summons Iris? Take care all!**


	5. We Look After Our Own

**So I started writing up... well I guess you could call them character sheets of a sort? Anyway while Iris's initial group is decided there will be more building up over the years. After all, you can't run a dungeon like Gringotts without a full Raid Group now can you? Open to suggestions on who to recruit into the fold but** _ **please**_ **remember I'm trying to use geeky stuff from the late 80's and early 90's. The exception being Dudley who I'm basing off of my Warcraft Holy/Prot Paladin, because fuck the Alliance. No, really, Gnome loving heretics... Anyway, on with the show!**

* * *

 **Group 1**

 **The Red Mage (Support):** Iris Potter-Dursley/Chaotic Good-If pushed will almost always do the right thing, anticipate cheerful laughter along with fire damage on the insurance claims.

 **The Paladin (Tank):** Dudley Dursley/True Neutral-Will do whatever it takes to protect his little sister, good and evil don't enter the equation until she's home safe.

 **The Black Mage (DPS):** Hermione Granger/Lawful Good-Rules are there for a reason! Except when you need to look at them as _guidelines_ that can be bent a bit, for science, of course.

 **The White Mage (Heals):** Luna Lovegood/Chaotic Neutral-Capable of absolutely anything at any given time, cheerfully plays the part of enabler to Iris.

 **The Warlock (DPS):** Tom Riddle/Neutral Evil-It's amazing what an angry teenage Dark Lord is willing to put up with when three terrifying little girls get a hold of his blasted Diary.

 **Group 2**

 **[?]** : Neville Longbottom/Lawful Good-Will make his parents proud, has potential to be Iris's true equal if he gains confidence in himself, and when he does he'll earn said girls notice.

 **The Assassin (DPS):** Blaise Zabani/True Neutral-Just another face in the crowd, you won't see him unless he wants you to, and that's just the way he likes it.

 **The Necromancer (Support):** Sally-Anne Perks/Chaotic Evil-You're all just test subjects, at the moment though you're effective allies so you're in no danger in so long as you keep supplying her with bodies to practice her arts on.

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When Petunia pulled the family sedan up to her children's school she was pleasantly surprised to see Dudley and Iris chattering away to a girl with rather wild hair and a hesitant smile. While the trio made excited motions with their hands Petunia felt a bit of tension she hadn't realized she'd been holding release as they approached the car. She'd been worried about Dudley and Iris since the move and this turn of events helped to assuage those worries a bit.

Her kids had plenty of friends back in Surrey but none of them were really what she'd call close, the pair only really fully trusting each other, never letting anyone in on their secrets and 'adventures'. Maybe this was a sign of change, after all seeing Iris this excited wasn't anything new, the girl had more energy then she had a right to. Dudley though? Well the honest interest in his smile bore some investigation, rolling down the window she quirked a brow at the grinning trio as she addressed them evenly.

"Hello my dears, care to introduce me to your companion?"

Iris grinned widely as she threw her arm around the girls shoulders pulling her close, "This is Hermione, she's our new friend! Do you think she could come home with us for a bit, to hang out and do homework and the like?" Petunia took in the brown haired girls hopeful look a moment and saw something very familiar, more so then she would like to admit honestly. She was brittle, close to breaking, and she needed children her own age to accept her for who she was before she shattered.

The girl looked like Petunia had, after those damned wizards stole Lily from her leaving her to grow up alone.

"Of course Iris," turning to Hermione Petunia gave her the warmest smile she could muster as she nodded towards her, "You did of course let your parents know where you were going, yes?" The girls fragile happiness seemed to dissolve for a moment before it was quickly replaced with a faux smile as she pulled Iris closer.

"I...I can leave a message when we get to your home ma'am...they won't notice I'm sure," well...that didn't bode well at all. It rankled her nerves that the girl was willing to leave with a complete stranger like this and she really didn't want to reinforce such behavior but...still. She remembered Severus and his ..." _father_ " if you could call the man that, perhaps it was a similar situation?

Regardless, Petunia had the strangest feeling the awkward looking young girl was going to have quite a lonely evening if she was told to go home on her own.

"All right then, but don't make a habit of this young lady, not everyone is trustworthy! I'll have you phone your parents as soon as we get home." Hermione nodded solemnly at that as she entered the back seat with Iris while Dudley took the front, Petunia did not hear her daughter calmly explain her agreement with her mother as she had just turned up the radio.

"It's not a joke what mum's talking about, Dudley and I were kidnapped by a legit vampire this summer, in our defense we didn't _fall_ for the trap but they caught us regardless."

Hermione's eyes widened in shock at this revelation, "Vampires are real?!" she squeaked out in a quiet tone, Iris simply nodded in a no nonsense manner in return.

"As far as we can tell, I'm sure there's other things we haven't figured out but for sure there are vampires, and we occasionally find these creepy looking little fairy things in the back gardens that try and bite you. Thankfully they really don't stand up to Dudley with a cricket bat."

Hermione took in a sharp breath at that, "Just like in Labyrinth!"

Iris nodded quickly in turn looking more excited then before, which was impressive in on itself. "Yeah! Speaking of which I've been trying to turn into an owl like Jareth but I haven't figured it out yet, I can conjure crystal balls though!" Glancing towards the front of the car Iris shrugged lightly while whispering "I'll show you later!" Hermione only nodded in turn. Eventually they pulled up to the Dursley home and the group left the car, Petunia, true to her word made her children's new friend leave a message on her families answering machine before letting them run off.

The kids dragged Hermione into their game room, which Iris was fairly certain at some point or another served as a banquet hall, and soon slammed the heavy doors shut while turning to the bushy haired girl grinning widely.

"Show me what you can do," it was a simple statement, but it carried a demand that only Hermione could sense, 'Impress me, or be left behind'. It may not be true, but she was so desperate for other kids to accept her, so terrified to lose this new tenuous friendship, that she did everything she could to show off.

It was more then enough. Closing her eyes Hermione forced her power into her fingertips and while feeling a bit peaky she didn't waver as she released the energy into the world around her. Everything in the room, the tables, the games, the television, Iris and Dudley, lifted into the air at once. Hearing open laughter she opened her eyes to see a sight that would stick with her the rest of her life.

Dudley was laughing to himself clapping as he drifted by hanging upside down, the grin on his face unmistakable, "BRAVO!" he stated proudly. "Even Iris can't manage this much at once!" Turning to the girl in question she met her emerald gaze and felt her throat constrict a bit at the shear _power_ bleeding from the small girl as she fixated her entire focus on Hermione.

Drifting in front of Hermione she flexed her own powers and fell to the ground, walking up to the slightly taller girl she cocked her head and stared at her a few moments before clapping once giggling happily causing the unnoticed tension in the bushy haired girls stomach to release.

"AMAZING! I'm mostly good at blowing stuff up and healing but _this?! Wowzers,_ we have so much to teach each other!" Hermione smiled at that and she soon found herself sitting on a beanbag pillow as Dudley began explaining the nature of their powers.

"We're not really Jedi, not really mages or sorcerers or anything like that, honestly we're...odd. I don't have the unending pool of power Iris has," with that he patted the redheaded girl on the head who made a noise almost like a purr as she fell against her brother earning a laugh in turn. Hermione did her best not to show the pang of longing at the loving display as Dudley continued, "But what I can do she _can't._ I can power my body to the point where I don't feel pain. I don't feel strain when I lift heavy things, and I don't get injured easily, although gonna be honest here, haven't tested that last bit much. Don't like pain soooo..."

Hermione giggled at that as she nodded, a few moments later Iris spoke up as she pounced on her brothers shoulders wrapping her legs around his neck, the boy only rolled his blue eyes at the intrusion and didn't react outside of that.

"I blow things up!" She stated happily, "We originally thought I was a Red Mage like in Final Fantasy so that's what we focused on, eventually we figured out I could do more then offensive and healing techniques, but it's really touch and go. I put too much power in some of the things I do. This usually involves, well..."

Dudley snorted as his eyes turned up at his little sister, "Property damage? Iris likes fire, honestly if she wasn't a magical girl she'd probably have just ended up an arsonist." Iris responded with an angry 'Oy!' while Hermione giggled at the siblings interaction, she quieted herself a few moments later as she stared up at the ceiling in contemplation.

"I...thought I was a Jedi for the longest time, my daddy is a complete science fiction addict and I watched all the movies growing up. The first time I realized I had power was actually after watching Empire Strikes Back, I was put to bed and told I couldn't read a book before I went sleep. I was...annoyed so I stretched my hand out to the shelf and...well..."

Iris nodded knowingly, "And the book came to you, right?"

Hermione smiled at this, "Yes, I was shocked, but I immediately thought I was a Jedi like Luke Skywalker, and I became obsessed with refining my skills." Gesturing to the still drifting games, books, and furniture she shot her new confidants a wry smile, "I've become quite good at controlling my powers, Yoda would be proud."

Iris nodded rapidly at that, "Heck I'm impressed! Tell you what, you teach me to have this kind of control and I'll teach you how to blow stuff up like a boss! Oh! We can also teach you how to sword fight!"

Hermione's brow furrowed at that in worry, "Swords? I...don't really have any interest in melee thank you though..."

Dudley scowled at that as he lifted Iris off his shoulders and placing her on the ground earning him a quiet squeak in turn. "Doesn't matter what you're interested in, those who will attack you will use whatever they have available to hurt you. Best to have something they didn't expect ya know?" Hermione worried her lip at that and after a few moments of contemplation nodded slowly.

"I...see what you mean, but I'm not really sure it's what's for me," Iris grinned at that while rubbing her hands together giggling slightly, for some reason the image was terrifying.

"We should talk to Sensei Urahara about getting you hand to hand combat training then, he said he has a good friend who excels at it, she could teach you..." Tentatively agreeing to her new friends suggestion Hermione spent the next two hours getting to know the Dursley kids, and she soon found herself liking both of them regardless of all their confusing unexplained powers.

Dudley was, at his heart, a softy that cared about only two things, keeping Iris safe, and being entertained. Apparently pursuing the first goal usually indulged the second without question and the young boy was, if a bit stressed, happy with his lot in life.

Iris, wow, how to explain Iris? She had so much energy, she never stopped, never took anything as an insult, and was just so... _happy_. It was strange thinking that being happy at all times was odd but that was Iris in a nutshell, she was a brilliantly intelligent young girl who was just happy with her lot in life and was perfectly content accepting what was thrown her way.

Hermione was a bit jealous of this but didn't let that pang color her opinion of the pair, they befriended her because she was strange, different, just like themselves. She would never endanger this new feeling of belonging with something as inane as jealousy, thank you very much.

As the evening dragged on there was a light knock on the door as it cracked open. All the floating items quickly landed on solid ground as Mrs Dursley entered the room smiling down at the trio as she locked eyes with Hermione, shooting her an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry dear, but Dudley and Iris need to go to bed soon, you can call your parents if you like or I can drive you home." Hermione shoved the feelings of anger and sadness that boiled below the surface down as she met Petunia's gaze evenly.

"Thank you ma'am, I only live two blocks over if it wouldn't be too much trouble to drive me home." Petunia only nodded in turn as she left the room, putting her coat and shoes back on she was pulled into a one arm hug by Iris as the redheaded girl guided her back to the manors entrance.

"I'll come with, this house is so huge it's ridiculous, thank goodness mum doesn't have to clean the place on her own. Apparently Grunnings got it in a tax auction and gave it to daddy as part of his promotion," Iris continued prattling on as she guided Hermione back out to the car. Honestly she had the strangest feeling the girl knew how much she didn't want to go home but said nothing about her desires regardless. Getting into the vehicle they drove to her house and soon rolled up the driveway, all the lights aside from the one on the porch were out, it seemed her parents were still at work, nothing new there.

Getting out of the car Iris took her hand and she allowed the girl to guide her to the front door, as they came to a stop the redhead stared at the dead house a moment before turning to Hermione, a look of concern gracing her porcelain features.

"Are...you going to be ok?" Hermione shrugged lightly causing her bookbag to shift uncomfortably, honestly what could she say?

"It's...ok, I'm use to the dark and quiet," Iris stared at her a few moments then closed her eyes, cupping her hands she had a look of absolute concentration take over her features as the space between her fingers glowed. After a moment the redhead let out a tired huff and presented Hermione with a crystal sphere, in it's heart burned a roiling ball of blue fire.

Taking the piece of crystal in a shaking hand Hermione felt warmth light across her entire body, yet it wasn't the uncomfortable heat one associated with standing too close to a fire or furnace. It felt like being wrapped in a warm quilt on a cold day, a hot mug of cocoa in hand with a cat sleeping on your lap, turning her gaze back to Iris she couldn't hide the look of wonder as the other girl giggled at her reaction.

"Don't worry Hermione, I'll teach you my ways while you teach me yours, we're friends now after all!" Exchanging hugs Hermione used her key to enter the house and absently deleted her message off the answering machine as she stared down at the glowing ball of fire in her hand. Placing the sphere on her desk she shucked off her clothes and entered the shower, after cleaning up and putting on her pajamas she crawled into bed cradling the blue fire in her hands.

For the first time in her life, Hermione fell asleep in her families cold, quiet house with a sense of contentment.

She was not alone.


	6. A Historical Interlude

**Good news everyone, this story isn't dead! "What happened Nem, you were really into this then suddenly nothing!" Well, you're right, long story made short a power surge murdered my laptop and the backup drive and I lost soooo much work. Something like, 15k words for Lady of Slytherin, and 30k of various other stories, 8k of which was this one. I really, _really_ wish I'd been anywhere near an internet connection at the time but alas, no cloud storage for me.**

 **So yeah, this is just a historical excerpt to explain why the world of Red Mage works the way it does while I...rewrite the entirety of their first year...I need a drink... I know it's super short and not a real chapter but I REALLY wanted to let you guys know that my absence wasn't on purpose, taker care all!**

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 _Excerpt from Historian Nigel Hawthorne's " **The Birth of An Empire** ", circa 2025 CE_

The first death knell of the traditional wizarding world was not in fact the day that Iris Potter-Dursley was introduced to Diagon Alley, while she was in fact unimpressed with what she saw the young girl had hopes that her expectations had just been a bit too high. No, the first strike against the traditions of old, of a world where Pure-Blood families controlled the Ministry for Magic with their connections and purse strings while subjugating those of _lesser blood_ was actually on May 25, 1977.

Since the arrival of the Romans in 55 BC to the invasion of the Saxons and beyond citizens of the British Isles have known only one approved method of utilizing their magic, through sanctioned wands that meet a specific government criteria. While the crafting is of no import to this discourse it was known that no matter _what_ one is doing when utilizing their personal magic, a wand is a necessity.

For those who grew up in Wizarding homes this was an easily accepted concept, after all their parents carried wands, used the movements, said the incantations, so obviously that is what one does when they want to use their magic. If, by chance, a young witch or wizard uses their magic without a focei it is called _Accidental Magic_ and treated as if the child had wet the bed. Ashamed the child in question would endeavor to bottle their powers up until they were older and given a proper wand.

Muggle-born and raised though, they were purposely kept in the dark about their powers until the age of eleven. This was a slightly unfair if necessary compromise between Godric Gryffindor's stance that children deserve to grow up with their parents, and Salazar Slytherin's insistence that all magical children should be brought into _their_ world where they belonged, and forget about all this "Growing up with muggles" nonsense.

So for centuries muggle-born witches and wizards either hid their powers in shame and fear that they may be the spawn of demons, or performed miracles that would have them murdered by their families for being unnatural and evil. Those clever enough to survive and wished to practice their powers in secret were usually so bone weary from the drudgery of surviving in an era where drinking unboiled water could kill you that they never got far in their self studies.

Those few who did though, well, there _is_ a reason Merlin and Morgana are two of the most feared, revered, and reviled Muggle-Born Magus to ever live after all.

This tentative status quo lasted until around the time the Catholic church lost its grip over Great Britain, and we shall not delve into that mess as only its after effects are needed to understand exactly _how_ one girl and a cabal of her most trusted upturned a millenia of tradition.

To put it simply, Iris Potter-Dursley was born during the perfect storm for a revolution, an era of relative peace where one could live comfortably yet humbly without working themselves ragged. It was a time where women were beginning to truly embrace their equality in all matters, a time that church was simply something one put up with on Christmas and Easter rather then treated as a way of life.

It was a time where one could dream and believe that anything was possible.

When Star Wars was released in 1977, it showed an entire generation the wonders of what the future could hold, of magical powers, and epic battles against evil in the stars that no one could truly fathom, and as time progressed the story became part of our culture. This single movie series brought fantasy and science fiction together in a way that kindled the imaginations of millions, and when some of those young minds were immensely powerful witches and wizards who were by and large ignored by their in the know peers, well...what did anyone expect to happen?

Why did the magicals born to muggle parents from the late 1970's on become some the most powerful, unmatched wizards and witches in history? Simple really, Star Wars told them they could do it, and there was no one there to tell them no, they could not.

Is it any wonder that they laugh at us older wizards and our reliance on 'gimp sticks'?

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 **Hopefully this explains a few things, if you don't want to review I understand, there isn't much here, like I stated before I was mostly just letting you all know this wasn't abandoned. Regardless, here's to tomorrow!**


	7. The Price of Power

**I really need to update more often, but depression, life, and...Thor...that fucker...have interfered greatly...It isn't long or compelling but...please review.**

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It was July first, two weeks after his son's eleventh birthday and a little under a month before his daughter's own up and coming debut. All the while Vernon Dursley was not a happy man, no sir, in fact he was playing the part of angered and/or over protective father at the moment, thank you very much.

Was he a proud man? Most definitely. His son, his Dudley, named after his Great War hero ancestor was everything he'd wanted to be as a youth; large, trim, quiet, articulate, and introspective.

All while being violently protective of his little sister.

As he damn well better should be.

Vernon's little girl, his lovely blooming flower of the courts (So what if he was a bit of a romantic) Iris was a wonder of wonders; she happily skipped through life making friends where she could while proudly displaying to all and sundry that nothing would keep her down.

Because in the end she was precious, she was a treasure, and her family would do _anything_ to keep her from danger or harm else they bring the weight of their connections down on those who would cross them.

Nothing, _Nothing_ , would keep the Dursley family down, even the moronic magical headache that could potentially be forced upon them. They would survive, _their_ family would survive no matter what. Vernon would protect what was his, he would protect his wife, and his children, because that is what a man _did._

Though...through it all Vernon wasn't happy because he knew he'd lied to his wife all those years ago.

The magicals _,_ those sodding _freaks_ that had stolen her sister and their brother in law all those years ago wouldn't have let their hooks slip so easily, as much as he'd wished it so. He didn't believe for a second they were gone, and he'd lied to Petunia about that because he knew in the business world, you don't let a good thing go unless you had to...

His lovely wife, his precious Pet had hoped against hope that what had befallen her sister wouldn't be drapped across their little girl's shoulders, that the blood soaked mantle would not pass to the next generation.

Unfortunately, as much as his children would wish it so at times, Vernon wasn't a fool.

He knew his little girl was up to something, had known for awhile really, but...but something didn't add up. Dudley, his little man was so protective of little Iris, so, sheltering, that he couldn't think his little girl had fallen into the same trap Lily had.

Though...what if she had?

It was different this time around if it had, Dudley wasn't like Petunia, Dudley was in the know, he was in the present, he was in all his little sister's affairs.

If she was a magical, Dudley would have known.

If he did, he would have said something.

Unless, of course, he knew more then he was letting on.

If he did?

Vernon couldn't have been prouder of the boy, of his girl, of his children. They knew how to exploit, thrive, and survive the cutthroat business world because of what he'd taught them.

Vernon Dursley wasn't happy. Yet he was proud of what he had accomplished, his son and daughter had taken in his teachings, and they had become that much more terrifying for it.

If they were magicals? If those rudding owls showed up today and delivered their freakish little letters and consigned his darling young ones to seven years of lunacy?

So be it.

Vernon Dursley wasn't a fool, he had time to deprogram his children and put them back on the path of success.

After all, what child of his would turn down toppling foreign financial empire's for the chance to turn a table into a pig and debate over cauldron thickness?

Idiocy, lunacy, madness.

As he glanced up from his newspaper Vernon watched a trio of owls fly towards his patio table as they dropped their burdens before him. After the avien trio had swooped away he couldn't help letting out an amused snort of surprise as he read the names written across the parchment envelopes.

 **Dudley Vernon Dursley-**

 **Iris Dorea Potter-Dursley-**

 **Hermione Jean Granger-**

"Heh...all three of 'em eh? Makes sense I suppose...wonder how badly this will muck things up for the dress wear'in Nancys?" Shrugging he took a sip of his morning coffee as he turned his gaze to his children's jungle gym, despite the tone of the letters his voice held nothing but warmth as he gained their attention.

"Dud, 'Ris, 'Mione! Come here kiddos, you've got post." As his children and...well... kind of adoptive daughter rushed to his table Vernon couldn't help the cold smirk that rolled across his lips.

This ought to be fun.

As all three read through thick layers of parchment the blonde boy, along with his brunette and redheaded sister's eventually turned their emotions from startled to enraged as they glared down at their Hogwarts letters. After reading through their correspondence all three couldn't help but bellow out-

"You have got to be sodding kidding me?!"

 _That_ was was why Vernon Dursley held on to his sanity thank you very much.


	8. Mama Bear

**So, since the last several chapters were lost I'm going a different route. Instead of rewriting this all over again I want to hear how you guys would like to see the end of this conversation go. I'll take your suggestions to heart and write it, because I really don't want this to die but damn...so hard to go back and do this over again.**

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Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall shifted uncomfortably in her muggle dress, the dark grey outfit far too clingy for her liking. She glanced over to her colleague who was equally uncomfortable as he fidgeted about adjusting his tie.

At least Severus had grown up in the muggle world and was aware enough of it to know how to keep up with the times. That was unfortunately how she had found out she'd been dressing in clothes seventy years out of date when she'd gone to meet muggle families all this time.

Dreadfully embarassing, why they even had a muggle studies class at this point was beyond her, zepplins being the epitome of muggle science indeed...ugh...where was she again?

Right.

Gripping the crumpled letter tightly to her chest she accepted Severus's arm as the pair walked up the cobbled path to the manor home before them. Albus had insisted Hagrid would have been best to re-introduce Iris Potter to the magical world but her return letter had all but shot his wishes out of the water.

 _'Dear Dupty Headmistress McGonagall,_

 _In the fear of sounding dreadfully rude, is this insanity for real? I mean cauldrons, brooms, QUILLS?! Really, QUILLS, why? Seriously what is the logic behind using something the real world hasn't considered viable for centuries?_

 _I'm not saying I'm disinterested in going to a school for magic (wizards, witches, once again, seriously? That's what you call yourselves? I'm sticking with Mage) but I'm quite disconcerted by how backwards it all seems and my brother and (adopted) sister agree completely with me in this regard._

 _So I am requesting a full orientation in hopes of being able to make an informed decision on my future education prospects. Honestly we're making enough headway with our personal studies that we feel the need to go to a boarding school is a bit excessive, plus mum and dad will get lonely which isn't right._

 _On a side note are there vampires at your school? I already caught one on fire after he kidnapped us and I really don't want to have this being an ongoing issue._

 _That is catching professors on fire, I don't really care if they're vampires in so long as they keep their fangs to themselves._

 _Anyway, cheers and hope to hear from you soon!_

 _Sincerely_

 _Iris Dursley,_

 _Dudley Dursley,_

 _Hermione Granger_

After that rather...distressing letter it had been decided that two senior professors should be sent to address the girls questions and fears, much to Severus's disdain Albus had tagged him for the secondary position.

"I do not know why I am here, it is obvious the Potter bint is just as spoiled as her father and I do not wish to spend any more time in her presence than is necessary."

Minerva resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the taciturn man's whinging, truly his grudge against the Mauraders was vexing at best. Was James Potter and his ilk a thorn in his side during his school years? Yes. Did he instigate their confrontations just as much as they had? Most definetly.

Selective memory was a wonderful thing to those who were nursing long term animosity.

Approaching the front door Minerva reached out to knock on it as Severus pressed a glowing stud on the frame causing a rather cheerful sound to echo through the house.

Raising a brow he smirked at her slightly for a brief moment, "Door bells, do recall I mentioned them before." She pursed her lips slightly but before she could respond the door swung open and both professors felt the air being sucked from their lungs as they viewed a vision of the past.

Beautiful wild wine red hair, glittering emerald green eyes, porcelin white skin dotted with freckles and an expression of open honesty.

Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape felt years of despair attempt to boil to the surface as Lily Evans stared up at them in open interest.

"Hello, can I help you?" The girl froze a moment before she smiled widely at Severus, "Do you know you look like Alan Rickman? He's one of my favorite villains in the Die Hard movies. Super smart and handsome, is that an Armani suit? Daddy has a couple of those, you should probably get a John Phillips, just avoid skyscrapers and Americans you should be fine."

Before either of the flabbergasted adults could speak a stern looking woman appeared behind the girl and gripped her shoulders firmly as she locked gazes with Severus, the little girl glanced up and noticed her scowl immediately.

"Do you know them mum? The pretty lady hasn't said anything but I'm pretty sure Hans knows us since he's looking at me like you do sometimes." Petunia gently pushed the girl aside as she nodded slowly in turn.

"I know him, and his name is Severus dearest, not Hans," the little girl stared at her mom a moment, then turned back to the guests then simply shrugged as she walked away.

"Oh ok, I still think he needs a proper suit, I'm going to go practice on the piano now." Petunia just nodded as her jaw clenched, eventually she jerked her head swiftly while pointing into the house.

"Well come in already, Dudley dear!" She yelled out the last bit as she turned away from the professors, a moment later a return yell of 'Yeah?' was heard. "Tea for three please love, in the sitting room."

A few minutes later they were settled as Petunia glared daggers at the uncomfortable pair, eventually after Dudley had brought the tea Minerva spoke up.

"She looks just like Lily," Petunia sipped her tea nodding slowly, her eyes never leaving the Hogwarts professors.

"That she does, my little Iris will bloom into a beauty for sure," Severus shifted uncomfortably which only caused Petunia's persed lips to curl into a vicious smirk. "What, does my little angel remind you too much of what you threw away in a petulant fit of rage?"

Severus froze as Petunia's smirk turned into sadistic smile, "Oh I know what you said to my little sister Severus, I know oh too well. Did you know, before you pushed her away, before you spat on the friendship she had joined the magical world _for_ my mother was planning your wedding?"

Severus made a gurgling noise but Petunia pressed on, "We all knew you two would end up together, Lily was just so shy, didn't want to risk the friendship, and while she wasn't enamored with this whole magic thing she went to Hogwarts for _you_."

Placing her cup on the table the woman of the household's eyes narrowed in what could only be seething hatred, "My little sister is dead because of you, because she followed you, because she got herself drawn into your petty little wars. Now, you're here to not only take our little girl, but my son and near daughter as well."

Eyes glittering with rage she eventually gave them a bland smile that was far more terrifying then her previous ones, "So...please do tell me why I should allow this, because frankly I'd love to hear your reasoning. Oh, and before you attempt to alter my mind in a bout of self righteous panic, do understand one thing."

A moment later the previously empty table had an image much akin to a mirage flux above it as a little girl suddenly appeared in their midst, her brilliant piercing green eyes and crimson dress only adding to her unblemsished image. Cocking her head sideways the crosslegged little girl observed the gathered adults with a look of innocent fascination.

"I don't like bullys," Iris stated flatly, Petunia only smiled as she patted the small girls head as she tutted in honest affection.

"Quite true dearest, and nice entrance by the way, Hermione would be proud." Turning back to the professors she gave them a grim smile, "As for you, speak."

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 **So, Petunia Unchained anyone? Please review**


	9. Apples Do Not Fall Far From the Tree

**So you guys really haven't gotten to see inside Iris's head since she met Hermione, nor after she'd been given the downlow about the magical world from her parents. So here it is, the mind of the Red Mage, and honestly, it is a rather scary place. She is after all the product of two brilliant individuals while being raised by a cutthroat business man, a genre savvy housewife alongside a protective enabling brother and an eccentric genius best friend. Full size chapters will be happening after this, I just wanted to put this out there because honestly, it made me a laugh a bit.**

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It always amused one Iris Dorea Dursley how easy it was to throw people off with a smile and a bit of randomness, not that it wasn't in her nature to be random to begin with mind but it was still funny. Honestly their were like...five people in the entire world that could call her on the mind games she played with everyone around her. Those being Dudley, of course, Hermione, her mum and dad, and her sensei, everyone else just assumed that all there was to her was an air headed little girl who had a skewed view on reality and an odd ability to get top grades.

Not that she _didn't_ have a skewed view on reality really, but part of being an eccentric who wished to stay below the radar was of course knowing who to point her sights at, which usually entailed bullies and the occasional stuffy teacher.

These magicals though? Oh after the lecture her mum gave her, BigD and 'Mione she knew how to push their buttons and when to do so, especially after reading some of her birth mother's diary.

Now...hadn't that been a shock? She was adopted... Iris and Dudley had realized one of them had been adopted early on, or their dad had been unfaithful a few years ago when they'd done the math on their birthdays. It was really a toss up who was the adopted one, she had looked identical to her 'Aunt' Lily and her maternal grandmother Jasmine while Dudley had looked like their paternal grandfather with their maternal grandfather's eyes.

So once again, a toss up really.

Iris wasn't mad about the deception when it was revealed though. Far from it really, her aunt and uncle had cared enough for her to formally adopt her and treat her like their daughter rather than their niece so what right did she have to complain? She'd been spoiled really, and appreciated all of it so she'd agreed to their plan to make this meeting as awkward as possible for the professors as possible. Mum said something about pranking being in the blood but she really hadn't understood that, after all Lily Evans' early journal entries only talked about how much of a berk James Potter had been with no details on his talents.

As things stood it just so happened that Iris loved actions movies, even bad ones, and with her near eidetic memory she quickly realized this Professor Snape looked like one of her favorite villains and ever so innocently mentioned the notion to him.

The open mouthed blank stares she'd received from both him and the pretty older lady were totes worth it.

After mum guided the professors to the sitting room Iris leaned against the door frame and listened to her tear into them about their past. She was honestly curious whether everything she said was true or not. Mum after all had nothing pleasant to say about Severus when she'd given the kids an overview of what was to come so who knew if she was twisting the knife or not. Mum could be cruel when she was honestly angered, thankfully most of that anger was usually aimed at Aunt Marge who, really, deserved it.

Hearing her que Iris fell to the floor and crossed her legs, a moment later she 'shimmered' herself on top of the table before the professors and stared at them blankly. Dudley had been the one who figured this spell out, he'd been reading comic books and had wanted to try to 'BAMF' teleport like Nightcrawler. He never did figure out the purple smoke or the loud entrance, but shimmering was just as cool as far as she and 'Mione were concerned so both of them were thankful for him discovering the spell.

"I don't like bullys," she stated flatly taking in the professors shocked faces and had to do her best to keep her composure due to the giggle fit that wanted to boil forth.

You're an air headed eccentric, can't let them know otherwise do recall.

As the professors finally broke from their stupor Iris shot a glance to the door and met Dudley's amused gaze, after a moment she clearly heard his voice in her head.

" _Hermione is on her way,_ " smirking coyly she turned back to her guests to address their sputtering questions.

"Y-you can do magic without a wand?"

Iris's smirk returned as she stared at the woman followed up with a quick nod as she lifted a hand and ignited a ball of fire in her palm that she quickly forced into the shape of a fox, stroking it lightly she grinned widely.

"Since I was seven, actually. Isn't magic so much fun? So what can you tell me about this school? I mean Hogwarts, really? Who names a school that? Why not Merlin's School For Gifted Youngsters?" The chocking gasps that followed nearly had her falling over laughing.

Really, she should take it easy on them, after all she fully intended on playing their game, collecting XP and loot while filling out her party. For some reason though... she had this inkling of a feeling that she should be proud that she was pranking them every step of the way.

How odd was that?

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 **A little girl that only shows you what she wants you to see...how...interesting... Heh, anyway I know it's just as short as the last chapter but I really wanted show Iris's POV of Petunia Unchained, please review!**


	10. Lilies, Petunies, and Irises

**Last tiny chapter I promise! Fact of the matter is I'm gonna need a full chapter alone for Diagon and Gringotts and while it COULD flow into this I wouldn't be publishing for another week. So rejoice in the fact this story isn't dead! Next chapter will NOT be posted below 4k words so don't worry we're finally recovering from the loss of data thanks to Thor being a prick to laptops. Regardless here you go, please review!**

 **PS: Hope you like the new cover image!**

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Iris was honestly a bit surprised at how easily her antics seemed to have caused the two visitors to freeze up and cease to function, aside from all the rapid blinking that is. Really, the pair of professors were just staring at her, or perhaps her conjured firefox, with wide dilated eyes as she did her best not to fidget under their scrutiny.

Messing with adults for her own personal amusement? Ok. Being stared at openly like she'd just grown a second head? Not so ok, and seriously what the heck was wrong with them? They were still staring, and it was getting creepy. It was like they had never seen magic before or something! They were supposed to be magical _teachers_ so really this had to end soon or she was going to catch something on fire just to end the stare-off.

Immolation was taken off the menu as Hermione entered the room escorted by Dudley, gritting her teeth in annoyance Iris hid her agitation as her brother and sister shuffled past the adults. They both got on her case whenever she decided 'burn it to the ground' was the best course of action, mostly because it was usually her default fallback plan. That route taken from her, rather unjustly may she add, Iris instead held in the sigh building up in her chest before turning back to the Hogwarts professors as they addressed her once again.

"You...you need no focus to use your magic?" The pretty older lady, McGonagall, asked sounding incredulous as she stared Iris down. Said girl wanted to roll her eyes at the question, considering she had a firefox burning in her palm the answer to that question should be fairly obvious, grown ups, seriously. _Unfortunately_ her mum was giving her the _look_ so she decided being a smart mouth would probably not help her much in the long run.

"No I do not, neither does my brother or sister," nodding to said pair she stood up from the table while snuffing out the fire in her palm and allowing her siblings to flank her. The trio met the Professor's gaze evenly as they shrugged as one, the message clear.

We follow our own rules, but we're willing to listen to what you have to say.

It was Hans, or rather, Professor Snape who replied first. He seemed to have gotten over his initial shock quickly and was giving her a rather calculating look before twitching his chin once, a nod of recognition of sorts perhaps? The man was impossible to read once he was composed, that would certainly make class with him interesting at least.

"Your mother could do the same, that is to say Lily, your birth mother. She always infuriated her Pure-blood classmates with the ease at which she could touch her magic and effect the world around her."

Iris blinked at that meeting the dark man's gaze in honest interest, "Really? How so? Sir, that is, how so sir?"

Hermione rolled her eyes at Iris's attempt at propriety while Dudley openly snickered, the adults though were focused on her, and oddly enough it was her mum who spoke up first.

"Lily could make flowers bloom from the soil just by laying in the grass wishing for them, when we were very little she found a baby bird that had fallen from its nest and had broken its wing. She held it in her hands crying and suddenly the bird was healed and placed back in its nest no worse for wear."

Professor Snape interrupted her with a nod, "The station wagon just outside Cokeworth," at which her mum groaned and nodded quickly as she continued on for him.

"Quite, that drunk that lived in the broken down caravan on the corner...Turner wasn't it?" Snape nodded once and she continued, "Lily saw a dog in the street when a rather notorious local drunk nearly hit it with his station wagon."

Dudley spoke up at that, "Did she save the dog?"

Petunia and Snape snorted as one shooting each other sardonic looks, the man responded with an amused lilt in his tone, "In a manner of speaking. Lily Evans was...a complex girl, one prone to acts of retribution towards those she felt deserved it." He grimaced a bit but schooled his features quickly enough to hide it from everyone but his coworker, who was kind enough to not bring up the painful past in front of children.

"Retribution? Sir, that is?" Iris was a smart kid, far smarter than many her age, but she wasn't a walking thesaurus by any means.

Hermione though, was, "Making someone pay for their actions Iris. Oh and my apologies for not introducing myself, I'm Hermione Granger I live down the road but I spend most of my time here."

"You were our next stop," Mcgonagall said in a tired tone, at this the girl simply shrugged.

"My parents aren't home and they have already been given the basics from Mrs. Dursley," there was a cough from said woman while Hermione blushed slightly, "That is Aunt Tunia. So I would not worry about it for now, would you please continue your story sir?"

Snape continued his narritive with a slight edge of irritation at being sidetracked, "Lily spread her hands out before her and Mr. Turner's station wagon was crumpled at the center into an L-shape and thrown twenty yards into a field across the street. When the bobbies showed up and pried him from the car he had a blood alcohol content high enough to pickle a fish and was arrested after his stay in the hospital."

He met Iris's gaze before narrowing his dark eyes in a considering manner, "Really, we should not be surprised you took after her, being raised by her sister and all. Evans women always were a special sort."

If his tone was laced with bitterness, those present were tactful enough to not mention it.

There was a brief silence before McGonagall decided to derail any further reminiscing, "Yes, well since we obviously do not have to explain the basics of magic to you three or your parents it is about time we escort you to Diagon Alley to purchase your school supplies."

Hermione shrugged then nodded, "My parents have long compensated for their lack of attention with money, if you take me somewhere I can exchange sterling for galleons I am ready to go now."

Shrugging Dudley and Iris turned to Petunia who simply gave them a single nod of approval before speaking, "Enjoy yourselves my dears, and take them by storm."

The Dursley siblings exchanged glances before grinning widely and after grabbing Hermione between them they stood before the professors with openly mischievous smirks .

"Take us to your shopkeepers," Dudley drawled out which earned snorts from both his sisters. The two professors exchanged wearied looks and after a moments indecision each grasped a child and they vanished with a resounding pop.

Petunia Dursley plucked her now lukewarm cup of tea from the table and sipped it as a wicked smirk curled its way up her lips, a moment later she couldn't help snorting out her open amusement.

"Heh..ha..haha!...Oh you really have no idea what you fools have signed yourselves up for do you? Ah well...all the better for me." With that the mother of two...three precocious magicals went about making dinner, fully intent on interrogating her children on their days adventure once they returned.

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 **You know my Petunia is kinda scary in a great way...**


	11. No Iris, You Can't Raid Gringotts, Yet

**Two things:**

 **First I apologize for the previous chapters, I know they're short, disjointed, and a bit off putting. Getting back into this story took some time and effort and I apologize for that.**

 **Second, I hate the required Diagon Alley trip, seriously it is one of the things that stalled this out because frankly not only do I not like reading it, I dislike writing it. Had to be done though, so at least we yanked the bandage off quickly and we're now moving on.**

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Iris felt like she had been squeezed through a rather small straw while also experiencing the most extreme roller coaster her mum had let her go on all at once as the group teleported before a tatty old pub. She of course responded as she should to such a scenario and keenly ignored her siblings reproving glares.

"Again! That was brilliant! What spell was that!?"

The two Hogwarts professors gave her reproving looks before McGonagall sighed and replied, "Apparation, vanishing from one point and appearing in another near simultaneously."

Iris nodded slowly as she stroked her chin and glanced over to her siblings, "Long distance shimmering you think?"

Dudley nodded, "Makes sense, shimmering doesn't take much effort but it's nearly line of sight, this is..."

Hermione picked up his line of thought as he trailed off, "Long distance pre-determined orientation to a specific space and time. Fascinating..."

Professor Snape coughed into his hand before gesturing to the pub, "While this speculation is...oddly intriguing we must be moving on. Now if you would please, follow?"

Having no desire to anger one of her future teachers Iris quickly followed the man while he flicked his wand and muttered a spell that shifted his suit into a set of robes, Iris was immediately enamored with this bit of magic.

"How did you do that?! That was amazing!"

Before the man could respond McGonagall smirked lightly as she did the same to her own clothing, "That my dear was transfiguration, a skill you will learn around your third or fourth year if you put your mind to it."

Iris fell back slightly so she could clearly speak to Hermione and Dudley without being overheard, "And just like that I'm sold, thoughts?"

Dudley shrugged, "Useful skills to learn, plus they've been doing this for a long time obviously. Stay back and observe is my opinion."

Hermione nodded in agreement, "We need more information, a library, or book store would be beneficial but all told I think these people are our best bet to learn what we really are. We just have to remember to not apply their self imposed limitations to ourselves."

Iris nodded at her siblings in acknowledgment as they entered the dark and musty tavern, and my wasn't it a bit of a let down at all corners? Dusty, dank, looked like it was from around turn of the eighteenth century, and the bar itself was tended by a man that appeared to need skin treatment and possibly a toupee.

As the said bartender grinned at the approaching party Hermione grimaced and just as quickly blanched as she glanced away muttering, "Fixing that mans teeth would make mum and dad rich as the Queen." Taking in the half dozen rotten teeth exposed by the man's smile, Iris couldn't disagree with her sister in all but blood if she had wanted to.

"Another batch of young'uns eh? Surprised they sent two of ya this time aroun' but I suppose ol' Dumbledore 'as his reasons. Go on through Min, you and Severus have a good un eh?"

As the adults made their salutations Iris turned to Dudley while muttering, "It's like listening to that bloke who sells his 'wares' at the bus stop isn't it?"

Dudley snorted in amusement as he nodded, "No doubt, and why are we staring at a brick wall?"

Iris glanced forward and raised a crimson brow as she silently mirrored her brothers ruminations. A moment later she along with Hermione and Dudley took a shocked step back as the bricks folded in on themselves revealing a chaotic tableau of Victorian era, magic infused chaos.

"Welcome children, to Diagon alley," Professor McGonagall stated tersely as she stepped through the barrier followed by Professor Snape. The kids quickly followed her as they took in their surroundings, trying to catalog and memorize all they could see.

It was an odd feeling, being both highly impressed, while also being incredibly let down. Iris reflected on this while she looked about the cobbled streets as the professors led them past various vendors hawking their wares while leading them to a gleaming white marble building.

"Now _that_ is impressive," the Red Mage muttered to herself with a grin upon her lips as she took in the massive staircase leading up to several pillars supporting a large overhang. Glancing further up the edifice she took in the flying buttresses and carved gargoyles which made her come to a rather startling conclusion.

This was a dungeon, and there would be loot to claim. Too bad her party wasn't complete...yet...

"This is Gringotts Wizarding Bank," Professor McGonagall stated as she began walking up the steps, party in tow. "It is run by the Goblin Nation and they are a rather prickly bunch, so do be on your best manners."

Ok, so no raiding the dungeon just yet regardless, good to know. Still...goblins...

As they reached the top landing Iris noted the scarlet armored midgets flanking the open doors and assumed they had to be the previously mentioned goblins, and did it ever gall her not being able to farm them for XP. Resisting her gamer urges to commit goblincide Iris followed the professors into the antechamber that was sealed by a set of silver doors, pausing a moment she read the engraving set in its surface.

 _'Enter, stranger, but take heed_  
 _Of what awaits the sin of greed_  
 _For those who take, but do not earn,_  
 _Must pay most dearly in their turn._  
 _So if you seek beneath our floors_  
 _A treasure that was never yours,_  
 _Thief, you have been warned, beware_  
 _Of finding more than treasure there.'_

Iris stared at the poem a few moments before nodding slowly while clearly stating, "Challenge accepted."

Dudley and Hermione simply rolled their eyes while Severus and Minerva glanced at Iris in worry. Moments later the doors swung open and the party entered the main chambers, what followed was, truthfully, rather boring for Iris. They exchanged muggle currency for wizard gold, which was ridiculous in her opinion, took a ride down a mine cart to her parents vault which was fun, but needlessly complicated, and after grabbing some galleons left for the alley proper.

The only thing Iris had done differently from the others was sneaking off to one of the tellers and getting a Chequebook connected to her vaults. Because seriously, why the heck would she waste her time like this whenever she needed her money?

What followed after that was, all told, a shopping spree. Their first stop was the trunk shop, and after some gentle prodding the salesman pointed her to the best trunks they had, which were made of brass strapped mahogany enchanted with multi-chamber, weightless, and self shrinking charms.

The professors tried to dissuade them from buying such expensive items but really, none of the trio really cared about their opinions on this matter and bought them anyway.

Next was the book shop, Dudley bought what was required and nothing else, the girls practically bought a copy of every volume in the store and had them dropped into the library section of their trunks for later perusal. After that was the apothecary where they let Professor Snape dictate everything they needed for potion brewing, because he was the professional here after all, why wouldn't they do what he said?

The wands were next, and Hell's bells Iris wasn't even going to go into detail on that mess. In the end she managed to destroy roughly a dozen wands before Mr. Ollivander threw his hands up in the air in frustration and offered her the brother wand connected to none other than Lord Voldemort. She, along with her professors, was deeply unsettled that the holly wood phoenix feather core focus sang with her magic, and all that this implied.

She decided it was best not to think too deeply about that one for now.

Things did get rather interesting at the pet shop, Hermione was drawn to several kittens who were rolling around in all their fluffy adorableness, Dudley sauntered over to the reptiles, and Iris gravitated towards the owls. Walking past the various preening birds Iris froze when she saw a snowy white owl who stared at her imperiously.

"Jareth..." she muttered to herself while leaning forward. Nose to beak she stared into the owl's golden eyes evenly before speaking in a low tone. "If you can help me turn myself into an owl, I'll bring you along on all my adventures and feed you as much bacon as you want. Sound good?"

The owl tilted her head to the side a moment before clacking her beak in amusement, if this little human wanted to learn how to become a superior life form, who was she to deny her? Plus...bacon. Raising one foot slowly, and making sure not to cut her new pet human with her talons, the owl shook her hand slowly.

"Brill! We'll have to find a good name for you later, but until then wanna come with?" The owl barked out in an agreeable tone and caused her human to giggle as she hopped onto her slim shoulder, it was a tight fit, but it would work.

Iris made her way to Hermione who was cuddling what appeared to be a bandy legged, squashfaced ball of ginger furred yellow eyed hatred. Not for the first time she wondered about her chosen sister's choice in aesthetics and couldn't quite help commenting on it.

"That is either a very large cat, or a quite small tiger," Hermione rather than being angry, grinned up at Iris while nodding quickly in agreement.

"Isn't he darling? I think I'll name him Crookshanks, according to the saleslady he's a part Kneazel which means he can judge peoples character, and since we're going into an entirely new world I think that's a good thing yes?"

Not...really agreeing with her sister, but having no desire to dissuade her from purchasing a monster that was pointy on four of its five appendages Iris simply nodded in agreement.

"Yes...that sounds great, I'm gonna go check on Big D, catch you at the register." Hermione smiled then turned back to the yellow eyed ball of hate and began nuzzling it which only caused it to purr happily. To each their own really, who was she to judge?

Approaching Dudley she watched him speaking kindly to a rather fetching black and red striped snake, " _It really mussst be boring here for you then. If you want you can come with me?"_

Stopping beside her brother she leaned into his shoulder, very nearly dislodging her now grumpy owl in the process, " _Who isss your friend Big D?"_

The snake turned to her and sounded a bit shocked as it spoke, " _A sssecond ssspeaker! How fortuitousss! Yes young massster I ssshall come with you to this Hogwartsss."_

Dudley grinned and stuck his hand into the tank allowing the snake to slither up his arm, "Brilliant!" Turning to his sister he noted her new owl companion and rubbed her head feathers with his snake free hand, immediately earning said owl's respect. Hearing a choking noise behind them the siblings turned around to see their future professors, both bone white and openly gaping.

"Y-you can talk to snakes?" Professor Snape asked in a hushed whisper, this caused the Dursley kids to exchange a confused glance before turning back to the adults.

"Err...yeah? All our lives? I mean...why is that a big deal? Seriously, I can throw fireballs and lightning bolts at will, Dud can tear trees out of the ground, and Hermione can levitate tanker trucks with a flick of her finger. Why is the talking to snakes thing a problem?"

Their professors exchanged a look before they both turned to leave as Snape spat out, "Pay for your purchases and be quick about it, it is time to return you to your parents."

Dudley raised one blonde brow as they followed the adults hasty retreat, he glanced down at his new pet snake a moment then back to his sister, "God wizards are bloody weird."

Hermione, who had approached them cat in hand echoed Iris as the girls stated, "Language," before they both paused and nodded, Iris speaking for the two of them, "And yes...yes they are."

After their final stop, getting fitted for robes and school uniforms the kids were telaported home by their now pensive professors, both of whom seemed to be deeply unsettled about something. Iris really didn't care what had put them on edge, but she was slightly worried this would carry over into their school careers, but there was nothing she could really do for that at the moment.

After settling back into their normal routine Iris had decided to name her new owl Hedwig after finding the name in 'A History of Magic'. Dudley for his part did a bit of research on the specific genus of his new familiar and decided to name him Nilgiri after the mountain range he hailed from.

Ironically, while Dudley's magical prowess improved immensely with a wand, both Iris and Hermione floundered a bit. Neither of the girls feeling comfortable limiting themselves to incantations and wand movements after years of simply using their own wills to command their magic.

As September loomed ahead Iris couldn't help feeling a sense of deep frustration, knowing full well these wizards would demand she use this...gimp stick... All while being self aware enough to know how annoying her coming school years would be because of it.

Sighing Iris pulled Hedwig into her lap and began stroking the beautiful birds head slowly as she stared out the window in exasperation, "Well...no matter what girl...it'll be an adventure, right?"

Hedwig for her part clacked her beak once in agreement, and fell asleep in the embrace of her pet human.

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 **IT TOOK MONTHS! But Diagon Alley is done and over with! MWHAHAHA!**

 **Oh and you read that right, Big D is a parselmouth just like his little sister, oh the webs we weave...please review!**


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